Before we know it, this year is going to come crashing to an end. It will take with it our wins and our losses, the bittersweet and take-your-breath-away moments, the blink-and-you'll-miss-it memories, the hardships we never wished upon ourselves, and on December 31st, we'll breathe such a sigh of relief to think we survived it all.
Last weekend, I went to Birmingham for a mastermind retreat with near strangers. It's a trip I was certain I could not have predicted for myself, except... maybe I could? After all, I am the same woman who, three years ago, flew to Haiti on the invitation of some person I barely knew through the Internet. (She's now one of my dearest friends.) Almost a year ago, I said another yes to the trip of a lifetime, and this June, I went on that trip and somehow walked away a different person, but the same. A mastermind retreat in Birmingham? What a piece of cake, by comparison.
My life has changed a lot these last few years, almost entirely by choosing to say yes to things that might previously have scared me. There's this great quote by Amy Poehler I love, and it perhaps unknowingly has woven its way into my fiber, thanks in no small part to The Bookshelf: “Great people do things before they're ready. They do things before they know they can do it."
I'm a strong introvert, an INTJ and Ennegram 5. I think people make assumptions once they know these things about me, and maybe I've made my own assumptions, too. Maybe Haiti and London and Birmingham and The Bookshelf and the podcast and Internet friendships and everything in between don't make a lot of sense, based on those facets of my personality. But my life up until this point, the actual experiences and years that have gone before? All signs point to a girl brave enough to say yes.
That's what I was thinking as I drove the five hours to Birmingham to pick up a friend from the airport, a friend I didn't know existed a year ago. I was thinking how bizarre it was to be doing something so outside my comfort zone, but then I thought: No. As it turns out, this is actually entirely within my comfort zone. I am the person who flies to foreign countries by herself, who makes friends with people she met through her now-defunct blog. I am the person who says yes to hard things, in part because six years ago, I said yes to moving to a small town to take over a beloved bookstore, but also because I have been saying yes to adventure my whole life. My adventures, as it turns out, might just look different from yours.
So last Friday night, I sat around a table surrounded by wise-beyond-their-years women. I took a six pack of beer and a six pack of Coke, because I wanted something other people would like but I also am 33 years old and know myself really well, and I knew at some point during the weekend, I would want a Coke. We laughed about our first concerts, then went around the table and named leaders we respected and admired, and every last person we named was a woman. We laughed and shared some tears and realized some weaknesses and praised our strengths. We walked away with things we could do better and with reminders of what we were already doing well. And to think: I could have missed it all if I had said no.
When I look back on 2019, I think I will look back with awe and gratitude at what I've been able to experience, but I'll know, in my heart, it wasn't just 2019's gift to give. It was past Annie, the girl who was brave enough to say yes a million times before, the girl who made this year's yeses so easy to say. I am stunned by her willingness to do hard things, and I am profoundly grateful, too.
