This week when my kids and I talked about the Super Tuesday results they asked questions that landed solid punches to my gut. Violet (age 8) asked, "So there's no chance of a lady president this year?" and Laurel (age 15) asked, "Do you think I'll live to see a female president?"
It brought me back to the incredibly painful juxtaposition of feelings on + immediately after the 2016 election. I went from feeling, "YES! The glass ceiling is about to be shattered! My girls will see that anything is truly possible!" to "OMG, patriarchy. America is never going to change."
After the 2016 election, I wept, raged, then picked myself up again. I was inspired watching people step out of their comfort zones. I felt hopeful again. I started the advocacy-oriented design shop Brave New World Designs with my husband and my Smash The Patriarchy shirt was the first offering. When I designed that shirt, I had visions of Wonder Woman smashing glass and women doing bold things like running for office for the first time and knocking on doors until their knuckles bled.
In a nutshell, I recaptured that feeling of "YES! The glass ceiling is about to be shattered! My girls will see that anything is truly possible!"
And then after Super Tuesday, I felt knocked down again. When Laurel asked me, "Do you think I will live to see a female president?" instead of responding, "HELL YES!" I paused and tepidly responded, "I really hope so." Because I am nothing if not honest with my kids.
In the aftermath of Super Tuesday and Elizabeth Warren's withdrawal from the presidential race, I immediately donned my Smash The Patriarchy shirt. I am still angry. There are still huge patriarchal problems that feel impossible. But what I have been thinking a lot about is that while yes, the aforementioned Wonder Woman like actions are crucial, there's also a really critical, foundational level of patriarchy-smashing work that is quieter, persistent, and right at home for many of us. Because the patriarchy isn't just about men asserting themselves and fighting to retain dominance in the food chain, it's about women; in particular I'm thinking of the women who helped elect Donald Trump--arguably many of whom are mired in systemic patriarchal beliefs and/or by the economic/emotional power imbalances in their relationships that lead them to say, "I gotta vote like my husband." And it's about what we're teaching our kids is and is not OK.
Listen, you may not feel like you can run for office or knock on doors until your knuckles bleed, but there is a Wonder Woman (or Person) in all of us. The quiet, steady work we need to do to dismantle the patriarchy starts at home with conversations with our kids and is one of our biggest responsibilities. If you have a son, talk to him about equality and male privilege and that he has a responsibility to not perpetuate stereotypes and gender bias. If you have a daughter, talk to her about the reality that she will need to stand up, be heard, not buy into the stereotypes, and build/gain confidence on her own footing...and really, that she will probably need to work a lot harder than her male counterparts if she wants a shot at equal offerings. And if you have a non-binary kid, be their best, brightest ally, fight your ass off for them and talk to them about privilege and bias and how the world will be stacked up mightily against them because people are scared of things they don't understand but that the most important thing is that they need to be who they are, that they deserve equal rights and that you are 100% behind them, cuffs at the ready.
In the words of Elizabeth Warren, "Choose to fight only righteous fights, because then when things get tough — and they will — you will know that there is only one option ahead of you: nevertheless, you must persist."
