Hi {{ subscriber.firstName | default('Friends') }},

First, a warm welcome to all the new subscribers. I'm thrilled to have you here with us. A special congratulations to Judy Morris who won the Writers of The World Giveaway. I hope you're enjoying all six of your new books. Happy Easter and Happy Passover to those celebrating. I know it's not the holiday we'd all imagined, which is the perfect segue to this month's blog. 

Today's our 23rd wedding anniversary. I bring this up at a difficult, challenging time, because my wedding day fell on a difficult, challenging time. From the time I was eight, I faced a persistent, often-debilitating, anxiety disorder. For years thereafter, I suffered quietly and shamefully. The emotions crept up at inopportune times; I had no control over their appearance or disappearance. So when we were weeks away from our scheduled wedding day and the anxiety crept in, I strapped in for what I knew was going to be a bumpy ride. 

Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the most memorable days of your life. Mine was certainly unforgettable. It's not always easy for my husband when we revisit that night or the weeks that followed. Neither of us has ever forgotten how difficult it was to smile through when one of us was struggling. But I revert to that time because while it was remarkably hard, it changed the course of my life. 

There are many lessons we can learn from disappointment and strife. Had I not gone through that experience, I believe I'd be an entirely different person living an entirely different life. Struggles force you to look within. They test resiliency and ask the tough questions. My tough question was this: how long was I willing to suffer before getting the help I needed? Our wedding bought forth two commitments. One of our love for each other and another of self-love. I refused to be a prisoner in my brain. I refused to be in a marriage when I was half-alive. And finally, I refused to bring children into the world without healing my own inner child. 

Healing is a tough process. It can be as painful as our struggles. I won't tell you it was easy or that there weren't setbacks. There were lots of them. But I was determined. And as I sit here living in this COVID-19 universe where life is interrupted, I can see where faith is questioned and uncertainty abounds. While it's impossible to guess how this quarantine will impact any of us long term--our lives may look different, and expectations may have to be revised--but it's also a good time to ask ourselves the important questions. What matters most? How do we wish to come out of this? The answers might just change your life. 

Life's not always going to be easy. We make plans and God laughs.  We're forced to improvise, find the greater lessons. No one could have predicted a pandemic; fate means we don't get to choose the when or why. My husband and I renewed our vows on our eleven-year anniversary. It was beautiful, intimate, and our boys walked me down the aisle. It was the happiest day of my life. Today we are quarantined, unshowered, and going a little stir crazy, but we are all together. We are celebrating. I know this COVID life isn't the life any of us imagined, but here's an opportunity. The light comes out of the darkest moments.