Edition No. 1 | June 2020

I want to start by saying thank you for being here. Not just for reading this in front of your computer or phone right now but for being on this planet. Thank you for choosing to wake up everyday to show up for yourself and for your loved ones. It was a choice for you to face another day this morning and I want to say thank you for making that choice. The world and I are better because of it. 

This newsletter was birthed out of a place of deep chaos for me. I recently went through one of the roughest emotional terrains I have ever experienced. While the constant unnecessary and flippant disposable of black bodies by police is unfortunately nothing new, with the backdrop of the pandemic, the murder of George Floyd hit differently.  His death brought up deep seeds of anger, pain, and grief in myself that I had locked away in a box and tried to hide from since the last time this happened. The unearthing of these buried, compounded emotions was extremely painful and it caused me to turn inward and move into a deeper state of inquiry. I questioned (and continue to question) myself, my relationships, and how I show up in the world. 

While this time has been difficult, I am the type of person that makes it a habit of finding the lesson in all things.  This time of reflection and release showed me how healing it is to accept and allow the emotions inside of me to flow. It's ok to feel angry.  It's ok to feel hurt.  It's ok to cry for days. It's ok to feel period. This acceptance (a huge step for me coming from a Nigerian background where vulnerability is not particularly championed) showed me another road, one that led to peace and a deep sense of personal power.  

When I gave myself permission to feel and move through these emotions, I realized how much power I had in choice. The choice to decide how these emotions cause me to respond. Do I want to use them to continue down a spiral of hurt or do I want to ride the waves to a space of healing? While I'm still hurting, I choose to move towards healing. 

Through this decision, I determined that enough was enough.  I had to show up in the world differently- bigger, louder, brighter.  The time to play small and hold on to my fear of sharing my gifts and being seen had to end.  There is power in my voice, especially as a black woman.  It is IMPERATIVE to not only share my voice and talents but to claim them with pride.  I urge all of you reading this to do the same. Your presence on this earth is VITAL.  Your talents are extremely needed, especially now. Let us come out of our fear and unite to create a society that feels safe, free, and loving TO ALL. This is the moment we've been waiting for.

With this revelation, I knew I had to push past my fear of being open and vulnerable and start this newsletter.  This newsletter (which I've been too scared to implement for years) is simply something that I would want to see in the world. Creating it contributes to my healing and because of that, it contributes to the healing of the black community and the world at large. It's that simple.  

That being said, I would like to set the intention of this newsletter as not just a string of e-mails, but as a space of empowerment, deep healing, and beauty, free from judgement.  Let this space grow beyond me and my musings. Let this be a space where we can come together in empowerment to expand, share ideas, be authentic**, and build a deeper bond with the part of ourself that is greater than our personalities, ethnicities, skin color, career titles, familial roles, etc.

Thank you for accepting the invitation to be here, to go inward in this time of chaos and dance with the version of yourself that is empowered, growing, and already perfect as is.

In this first edition of this space, I would like to share somethings that have helped me along the way during this time. Maybe they will help you too. I really, really want to hear from you- I'll be asking questions throughout the newsletter and I welcome discussions via email or phone call about any or all the reflections that follow.  Remember, this is a communal space (well, as communal as a newsletter can be), where we can share without any judgement.  Finally, if you feel called, please forward this email to any person you feel would benefit.  Let's grow and strengthen our community!

Ok, thank you for sticking with me through that lengthy introduction.  Let's get started.

**I'm not about that "it's all light and love" B.S.- things still are still shit, I'm still angry, and there's still a lot of work to be done

Light a candle with me.

Another reason why these recent times have been such an emotional rollercoaster for me is because June 4th was the 19th anniversary of my mother's passing. This newsletter, written on her birthday (June 6th), and really all of my creations are dedicated to her.  I believe she is at the heart of  the courage I found to do this.  It was after I set up my altar space in honor of her that the idea for this newsletter came back to my awareness.

Ancestral work is extremely important to me.  I believe that having a strong connection with your ancestors does wonders when journeying to find your rooting in life. Our ancestors literally are our roots. I encourage anyone who feels lost in life to consider how strong their connection to their ancestors is. Even connecting to one, and doing any necessary lineage healing work required, makes a huge difference and provides beautiful spiritual support in difficult times.

Please join me in lighting a candle for my mother and all of our ancestors who lived so that we can.

Reflections: How much do you know about your ancestors? How can you deepen your connection with them? What things are on your metaphorical or physical altar at this time?

What I'm reading, listening to, and/or watching.

Vibrate Higher Daily by Lalah Delia is aesthetically the most beautiful book I have ever held in my hands and the words in it are just as powerful.  Lalah Delia writes about vibrational living, which is simply an acute awareness and questioning of whether a person, place, thing, thought, etc. raises your vibration or lowers it. The book has been  so healing at this time in my development as a young adult and has reaffirmed and called me to go deeper into intention around everything I do.

Reflections: What choices and behaviors served you well or did not serve you well today or this week? How are you being compassionate with yourself as you learn more about what does and does not serve you?

I've only been able to listen to chill music lately and  Sol Rising has been just the perfect sound to soothe my heart at this time. I've mostly been listening to their whole collection on Spotify here.

I'm mad that it took me so long to listen to NAO. I've known of her for years but it took me a while to realize how great she is.  I wasn't ready, I guess... Anyway, she created her album, Saturn when she was going through her Saturn Return, a period in everyone's life between the ages of 27-30 that basically kicks them in the ass... Sounds familiar.

Honorable mention: I created a playlist in honor of the Orisha (goddess), Yemaya. Feel free to look her up online if you're curious. I'm sure I'll talk more about her in future emails as well.

Reflections: What music have you been listening to lately? (I'm always open to learning about new music!) Has your soundtrack changed since the start of physical distancing? What place does music and sound have in your life, if any?

I watch a lot of things online but I want to highlight black women that are putting out amazing work in the world right now. First off is Maryam Hasnaa.  Maryam was the first teacher I encountered when I stepped into the world of spirit and I've learned most of what I know about energy work & metaphysics from her online school.  She has recently hosted a number of panel discussions including this roundtable with other beautiful black female creators and artists (including Lalah Delia & Zakiya Harris) to provide some healing content around racial justice & inequity in the US.

Yvonne Orji put a huge smile on my face with this Vanity Fair video where she hilariously breaks down Nigerian slang.  You can also catch Yvonne on Insecure with the powerhouse Issa Rae. To be honest, if you're not watching Insecure already, I don't know what you've been doing. Zakiya Harris is a Cultural Architect working within the intersection of art, activism, and spiritual entrepreneurship. She dropped some serious gems on this podcast episode I listened to recently.  Finally, to help you cope, check out this beautifully captured and calming video made by Hallease, a digital storyteller based in Texas.

Reflection: What videos online or on TV have helped you cope these past few months?

Created anything cool lately?

I painted the above this past week after an emotional moment remembering my mom.  My new gouache paints just came in that day and I had left over canvases from an earlier time. Allowing myself to just start painting without worrying about what it would look like was incredibly healing. While I was doing so, I contemplated how much time I've wasted in the past worrying about how "good" or "bad" my creations were.  Why can't we just let our creations be without a judgement? Me, 2 years ago, would have criticized this art piece to the point of hiding it forever.  Look how far we've come. 

Growth.  

(says in Kelli from Insecure)

Reflections: What have you created lately? In what areas of your life would you like to be more creative (even beyond art)? What's holding you back from sharing your creations?

Contemplation with the elements.

Earth - Do I feel safe? Am I eating well? Is my home clean? How are my finances?

Water - Where in my life can I show myself more love and compassion?

Fire - In what areas of my life do I need to take action?

Air - When was the last time I took a deep breath?

Ether - How connected am I to spirit? Do I have any gifts that I want to explore and expand?

Appreciations, gratitude, shout outs.

 I did not navigate this emotional terrain alone. When I opened myself up to receiving support and love, a handful of people I knew reached out and showed up.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Special shout outs: CJ, NN, KN, 👶🏽JN, KG, ST, LD, VO, LR, CJ

Thanks for sticking around.  If this email was forwarded to you, you can subscribe to this newsletter and engage more with my work via my website by clicking the button below.

BLACK LIVES MATTER