Dear {{ subscriber.firstName | default('my friend') }},
I'm having a SIBO moment, and right in the middle of it I had a photoshoot. As some of you know, I have Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth, and it affects my whole world. It doesn't just impact my bathroom experience, but also brings me brain fog, abdominal pain, general discomfort, extreme bloating, and crazy food sensitivities - sensitivities I can't even get a grasp on because SIBO is mutant of a disease and its triggers can change every two weeks.
It was only this year that I found out it was specifically SIBO that I was suffering from. For the last couple years, I thought I simply had a general case of IBS and I spent most of that time being scared.
See, my gut health is a direct manifestation from the neglect, abuse, and trauma I experienced in my youth. I've been suffering from this since I was 14 years old, and maybe even earlier. I was shown over and over again that my needs were to be put last and learned early on that I was unworthy. I grew up hating myself and I would try my best to not be an inconvenience to anyone.
Going back to the time I was learning about IBS, it makes sense that I was scared. I had to learn to take care of myself in a whole new way, while facing the demons that have been haunting me since I was a little girl. I spent all my time running away from them instead of facing them head on and taking my power.
My new mantra that I've developed within the last year or so is, "it ends with me." The abuse. The trauma. This illness. It all ends with me. I'm not passing this down to future generations. I'm healing all of this and it ends with me.
If you're wondering where I am going with this, stay with me. I do have a point. I'm not just trying to break your heart for younger Brittany Marie.
So when I finally got the message from my body that it was SIBO that I was suffering from and that's what I needed to tackle, I have gone so hard on my body. Brian and I went on a walk yesterday, and we were trying to count the all the different things I've tried within these last six months, and we literally couldn't keep track.
I have gained a lot of weight in this pandemic. Some of it is fat, but most of it is water. And just as I'm gearing up to try another strategy to take this disease down, I am realizing how much it makes sense that I've on more weight. My body grew up in fear, and now that we're connected and in flow together, my body is doing her best to show up for me, but she's scared again. She has no grounding, no balance, and she doesn't know what to expect. I have not been gentle. I've been forceful. And my body is just doing what she can.
This last Tuesday was my photoshoot with Angela Dodson, and I knew it wasn't perfect timing, but Angela is moving back to Springfield, MO and I didn't want to miss out on working with her. So I made it happen. As you can see, she's already delivered my photos and I am amazed at just how perfectly she was able to capture me - gut and all.
Seeing my tummy in that photo is what has brought this new awakening to me - the force and overwhelming drive I've been bringing to this. Which, somehow, has made me even more motivated and ready to fight this fight. I just want to do it alongside dedication, love, and gentleness.
That photo is such a beautiful capture of me. I'm so happy to have it and can't wait to use it. I want people to see my tummy. I want them to see my smile. I want them to see my journey. I want them to know that I'm resilient.
I've shared all of this with you in hopes of it encouraging you to reflect in your own fight. We are all working to make our lives better and live to the fullest. In your endless journey to do so, where have you forced yourself? Where could you place more love? Where can you give yourself more support?
I believe in you, my friend. I believe in both of us.
