Well hi there. It's been a long time since I've written a newsletter and I sure have missed it. There's been a lot going on here, as I imagine has been the case for you, and while I struggle with things and have moments of bleakness (or flat out rage) every day, I also recognize the good. Keeping the good things in the sightlines will help us stay sane.
This pandemic has forced me to work on emotional fluency. I have been working a lot on connecting with my emotions and just being OK with whatever I'm feeling, and I find that this is especially important right now when things are so overwhelming and when I find myself in a despair dumpster fire sometimes on a daily basis (my nervous system is exhausted by the way). Here are some ways I have been working to stay true to my feelings and not go crazy.
- Crying. Honestly, a good cry is pretty cathartic. Sometimes the uglier the better.
- Being honest with my kids. I grew up in a household where showing feelings was dangerous. Like, literally, it was safer to be invisible. So I have found it more important than ever to be honest with my kids so they see me as a whole, imperfect, feeling person who can sink and then swim. I want them to know that it's OK for them to feel the ups and downs too. And quite frankly, I have found they really get their shit together when Mom is off the rails.
- Connecting with a loved one. This is not rocket science but human connection is more important than ever right now. Phone and video chats have been a saving grace, and I encourage you to come as you are for video chats (showering or brushing one's hair = optional). I also recently discovered you can send audio messages to people via Instagram and I love that! Way easier than that time I tried to sign up for and use Voxer. (Note: I don't think you can edit the audio messages, so you need to be OK with just letting it fly!)
- Making forward progress in some way, shape, or form. It sucks to feel helpless, and action is definitely my antidote to despair (thank you, Joan Baez). This could be election-related activity, but it could also mean emptying a dreaded junk drawer or making an emergency tray of brownies when everyone is having a meltdown (I did this the first week of school…it helped). No act is too small if it helps you feel unstuck!
People often say “we're in this together” and really, that statement could not ring truer. Never before have we been so united in common experience. The pandemic experience has been crappy, but a lot of good has emerged too.
