Welcome to the November edition of The Inbox Coach, a monthly email to bring you a little bit of coaching to your inbox and help you to make time for your personal development. 

This month I want to think about resilience, as I think it is something that we could all do with a little bit of support with at the moment.

Resilience is a word that I love and hate, and in researching it for this email realise it is one that I have misunderstood. I see myself as a resilient person. I’m good in a crisis and when things don’t go to plan, I think I’m good at picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again. I see it as a positive thing that I can deal with difficult situations and keep on going. 

What I am not so good at recognising is that saying no, putting boundaries in place and stepping away from situations that aren’t working for you are also a form of resilience. In my endeavour to get through tough situations I have defined resilience as the ability to keep going, when in fact that is not what it is. The result is that I can end up staying in situations to maintain my identity of being resilient, when what would best serve me would be to take a step back or walk away. 

An ability to recover

When I looked up the definition of resilience, I discovered that it is not about dealing with a difficult situation in the moment, but it is what you do after the difficult moment has passed to get back to some sort of normality.

“an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change”

Resilience is not the act of dealing with difficult situation in front of you, it is how you recover from it. How well you can move past a setback and get back on track. When you frame it in these terms, stepping away from a difficult situation may be exactly what you need to rest, gather your thoughts and make a new plan.

Finding joy

I loved this definition of resilience I found on the Cambridge Dictionary website

“the ability to be happy, successful, etc. again after something difficult or bad has happened”

I have spent so much of this year trying to survive and to get by that I have lost some of the joy in my work and life. I live a very lucky life, and I don’t take that for granted for one second, but I am finding it hard to find moments of joy in my days when so many of the things that bring me joy are out of reach for now and the news around me is so bleak. I’m a big believer that your life at work should be an extension of your life at home, so having joy at work is important too and just as difficult to find right now.

Small moments

Talking to a client this week, we discussed the cumulative loss of all the little moments at work that bring you joy throughout your day. The joke you make with the security guard to your building when your pass doesn’t work for the umpteenth time, the shared moan you have with the facilities team about people who don’t do their washing up, the funny conversations you have about TV programmes and pop culture with your colleagues when you are all a little bit bored of your work. Whether you are working from home, or in your usual place of work but with extra precautions, the chances are these little moments are now few and far between and the lack of them will be what makes the coming months even harder. 

Reflection

*If you can’t do the exercises from this email now, then don’t forget to pick a time when are going to do it and add this email to your calendar

If we think of resilience as the ability to bring back joy to your life after going through a tough time, then our reflection needs to be about what brings us joy and how, amongst all the chaos of the world today, we can tap in to those feelings even in just a small way

Ask yourself…

When was the last time I did something that brought me joy at work?

What are the moments at work that usually bring me joy?

How have these moments changed over the last few months?

What would having joy at work look like today?

What can I focus on or change to allow more joy to appear in my day?

Write your answers down in your journal and spend some time thinking about what your moments of joy at work look like and how you can make space for them.   

Action

This month’s action is a simple one, look for the moments of joy in your work and embrace them.

With new ways of working and the added pressure of trying to do your job in the middle of global pandemic it might seem like an impossible task, but there are moments of joy to be had. Maybe it is the smile of your colleague when you recognise something they have done, sharing some positive feedback, celebrating a task that you have learned to master. Whatever joy looks like for you, keep an eye out for it this week and see if you can find that relief at some point in your day. 

If you can’t do the exercises from this email now, then don’t forget to pick a time when are going to do it and add the prompts in this email to your calendar.

Inspiration 

“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself” – Hannah Gadsby

Hannah Gadsby is one of my favourite Unconventional Mentors and one I mention a lot. She is a comedian who shot to fame in 2018 when her show Nanette was picked up by Netflix. It is a stand-up comedy show about how Hannah has decided to quit comedy, and it makes me laugh so hard and cry with despair at the state of the world every time I watch it. The show sees Hannah reflect on how she has been using comedy to avoid telling her true story and how she has hidden behind humour rather than face the difficult times in her life. 

Writing Nanette and preforming it is the definition of resilience, Hannah Gadsby clearly finds joy in her work and the success of this show has opened her up to a worldwide audience. I was lucky enough to see her perform her latest show Douglas live last year at The Southbank Centre (who remembers going to live shows?) and if you are looking for a witty, feminist, history of art inspired, take down the patriarchy comedy show, then watching Nanette and Douglas is a must. You can find out more about Hannah Gadsby and the advice I take from her here. 

The announcement this weekend will have been tough for lots of you, and my thoughts are with those who are living under stricter conditions already. As always, my inbox is always open if you need a chat or a listening ear hello@lauracloke.com I’ll be back next week with more thoughts on how to bring joy to your work

See you then

Laura