Welcome to the December edition of The Inbox Coach, a monthly email to bring you a little bit of coaching to your inbox and help you to make time for your personal development. 

As we approach the final month of 2020, I thought it would appropriate for the last topic of The Inbox Coach this year to be about success. With all of the challenges we have faced over the last 9 months, we might be thinking that success in our careers is far out of reach. But as we start to think about our plans for 2021, I want to consider what we mean by the word success and I want to suggest that we change our relationship with it. 

What does it mean to have a successful career? 

Success is one of those strange words, we think it has a very specific meaning, especially when it comes to judging what it means to have a successful career. But when you try to define success it becomes a more elusive concept. My coaching clients often bring this seemingly concrete idea of success to their coaching sessions. In our discussions they talk about wanting success, but struggle to name what that is. Instead they produce a list of goals of things they think they should be working towards. They are struggling to work towards this list because it doesn’t really align with what is going to make them feel a sense of fulfilment in their work. The reason for this, I believe, is that success is not an objective target that can be met, but rather something that is unique to each person striving for it.

Striving after the wrong things

The dictionary definition of success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” It is then perhaps what we are aiming for that we should interrogate further. At some point we collectively decided what success looks like and I don’t think we have necessarily valued the right things. We place value on getting to the top, assume that more is better (more money, more responsibility, more prestige) but we don’t seem to question why that is. “Success” at work can often mean long, all-consuming hours to the detriment of your family relationships and social life. It ignores that fact that every role in a company plays an important part. The decision makers at the top of the hierarchy wouldn’t be able to do their work if the rest of the people in the pyramid didn’t do theirs.

I’m not suggesting that we don’t have big goals for ourselves or aim for those things which as a collective we have decided are worth chasing after, but rather we pause to consider if these aims are going to bring us fulfilment in our work. Sometimes it can be the small things which don’t seem like a success that will bring us the most satisfaction. Being able to finish your work on time so that you can spend time with your loved ones might be more important than getting external recognition for what you do. A thank you and a positive comment from someone you respect and admire may carry more weight than an industry award. 

How do you define success?

A phrase I use a lot in my day job is “What are the measure of success for this project”? I say it to ensure that everyone in the project group is clear about what success looks like and also to think about how we will know when we have been successful. What will we measure to be able to gauge if we have been successful or not?

Success isn’t something that can be objectively measured. It requires one or more people to define what it is, and then you can measure whether or not you have achieved it. Every project I undertake will have different parameters for success, and what was a definition of success in one project may not be relevant for another.

It is the same in our careers. There isn’t some objective measure of what a successful career looks like. Success for you in your career is unique to you. It is what you define it to be. Of course, if you are aiming to achieve something in your career that has objective criteria for success (a qualification for example) then you will be able to objectively say whether or not you have been successful. However, this will usually only be a small part of your working life and for most of our career, success will be how we feel about it every day. It is then up to us to define what success looks like so we can work towards the things that are going to bring us fulfilment and joy in what we do. 

Reflection

*If you can’t do the exercises from this email now, then don’t forget to pick a time when are going to do it and add this email to your calendar

Being able to define success on your own terms requires you to know what you want to achieve from your career. We probably all have preconceived ideas of what success looks like that we haven’t really challenged or interrogated to see if they are relevant for us. The reflection exercises this month are going to do just that. 

Ask yourself…

What is important to me in my career?

When have I felt successful in my career so far?

What was it about that experience that made me feel successful?

If I could re-write the rules of success what would they be?

Write your answers down in your journal and spend some time thinking about what your definition of success for your career looks like. 

Action

Being successful is about knowing what it is you are aiming for and how you will know when you have got there. Once you are clear on those two elements you can look at what actions you need to take to achieve that success.

Task

Define the measures of success for your career and think about how you will know when you will have got there. Spend some time thinking about what the aim of your career is for you and what markers will tell you that you are achieving those things. 

If you can’t do the exercises from this email now, then don’t forget to pick a time when are going to do it and add the prompts in this email to your calendar.

Inspiration 

“You have got to decide what kind of a life you want and then make it for yourself.” - Marjorie Hillis

I discovered the book Live Alone and Like It by Marjorie Hillis when I was struggling a bit with living on my own. Her bracing 1930s tone about making an effort with the way you live when there is no one else there to make an effort for you was just what I needed to hear. The book talks a lot about making a success of living alone and details the steps you might need to take. What I love about it is that it recognises that each person living on their own is unique. The book isn’t prescriptive about what successful living alone looks like, but more that however you define it for yourself you need to make the effort to make it happen. This is the same in our careers, it doesn’t matter what our own unique measures of success our, we just need to define them and then go after them. In order to be determined to make something a success you have to have thought about what success looks like and strive for it.

I hope this email has given you some food for thought on what a successful career looks like. If you have had a particularly tough year, I want to draw your attention to an offer I have for some free coaching for anyone who has been badly impacted by the pandemic. Full details of the offer and how to apply can be found here or you can reach out to me by email hello@lauracloke.com I'll be back next week with more thoughts on what a successful career looks like

See you then

Laura