In early January 2020, I sat in a restaurant (remember sitting in restaurants?) with a friend (remember meeting with friends?) and told her that I felt like the upcoming year was going to be a quiet one for me. Paul was set to deploy and I was focusing on reducing my business overhead. I think I likened my “plans” for the year to being like a caterpillar going into a cocoon. 2020 was for regrouping so in 2021 I could burst out with…something.

I did not realize I was speaking literally.

When I took time this past month to do some reflection, it was nice to see completed goals. I moved the warehouse home, launched a journal and hired a new illustrator for the next Get To Work Book. I “finished” the house by turning the downstairs into a brighter room with plenty of storage and our bedroom into a place I want to be. We got chickens! And then kittens! Paul and I celebrated ten years of marriage and worked hard on our relationship via text while he was deployed and then via everything since he's been home. The girls are healthy, have truly become best friends and are doing as well as can be expected during distance learning.

I am so proud of and grateful for all of that. And also… when I ask myself “how do I feel?" as we close out this year, the answer is distracted and overwhelmed (and also somehow underwhelmed?). It's been a year long juggle. My girls think all I do is work. They are not wrong. I spend most of my days just looking for a break in the parenting to go “do one quick thing.” I think all I do is parent. I am not wrong. I spend most of my “work breaks” being interrupted to make a snack, find a toy, break up a fight or reconnect to a distance-learning lesson. I am tired of stringing together “all the quick things.” I miss relaxing into my role as a parent. I miss the feeling of a productive workday. Like many of you, I miss so much.

I have struggled to think about big goals for the upcoming year. I careen back and forth between “nothing matters” and “PLANS WILL SOLVE IT ALL." I feel overcome with sadness. I feel sparks of immense hope. But ultimately, when I think about how I would like to feel in 2021, I just would love more joy. More joy in my work, in my parenting, in my marriage, in my friendships. More joy in what I share and how I share. More joy through stories and meals and hobbies and hugs. 

How do I “feel joy” though? I believe it starts with being present. With doing my best to beat back the overwhelm and quiet the distractions. And so I am setting goals with that in mind. What is in my control this year? What projects am I excited by? What will help me stay off my phone? What do I want to focus on?

1. Launch MAKE36! This is a year long craft project based off of MAKE29, a project I did seven years ago that changed the way I think about my business and my creativity. I am already (very) deep in the planning for this and look forward to finally getting it out in the world (and sharing so much more).
2. Figure out what's going on with my thyroid. I have had a few concerning blood tests these past few months. This is the least fun of my goals, but turning “find a plan to fix it” into a goal instead of a worry is empowering.
3. Read 100 books. 2020 was a banner year for heart-expanding reading and soul-crushing scrolling. I would like to lean heavily on the former in 2021. I am working on a second half reading round-up but here are six faves from the beginning of 2020.
4. Throw some pots! My Christmas gift to myself was a pottery wheel. I found a local place that will fire for me and so I am going to get back into ceramics in 2021. I cannot think of a better way to stop scrolling and feel grounded than covering my hands in clay.
5. Take daily walks. For the past three years I have used my daily goal tracker for Pilates classes and this year I am ending that streak and will be tracking my walks instead. Pilates is great! But I am done with at home classes. I find myself checking my watch for the entire 50 minutes and thinking only of my to do list. How wonderful it is to quit what isn't working and lean into what is.
6. Develop work hours. This one feels the furthest away but it's my hope that in 2021 I will have childcare again and therefore will be able to keep a true schedule and create something that looks like balance.

At the end of 2019 I sent an email about the year ahead. I ended with this:

Many things are going to happen in 2020. You will not get to chose all of them. So when you have choice, make it. Each day, decide on something! Pick a place to start. Pick a place to continue. It's going to be small! And that is exactly the point.

It's a heart-breaker to read at the close. What a year. We chose to do what we could. We fought and we lost and we loved and we won and we cried and we went into work and we logged into zoom and we got out of bed and we laid awake and we canceled plans and we grieved and we missed our people and we felt so lonely and we needed so much space and we reworked and we learned and we taught and we spoke up and we listened and we voted and we tried.

I want 2021 to be a better year. For you. For me. For us. Many things are going to happen. We are not going to chose all of them. But we can choose to keep showing up…for ourselves and for each other.

ALSO: If you still would like the 2021 daily goal tracker, download it for free right here.

Did a friend forward this email to you? Please thank them for me! You can subscribe here and never miss another update. Do you feel like reading more? Check out this page for links to all my old newsletters. Into this newsletter format? I use flodesk and love it.

Copyright © 2020 ELISE JOY INC, All rights reserved. please note, I often use affiliate links in these emails. If you make a purchase through an affiliated link, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.