At this point I knew I had entered wahala, gbese, trouble! Bro was gonna have me lie again, now I was thinking where my imaginary boyfriend could possibly live. I get that I write fiction, but my life is not it - I was caught off guard. I don't recall seeing this question in the I-should-mind-my-business-but-I-wont-Welcome-to-Dubai-FAQs Manual.
“He lives in London.” My eyes shifted at the lie.
The Holy Spirit was like “Oh really?”
The taxi driver continued, this time he replaced his questioning with advice:
“You know Ma'am, you go to Lorn-don, you marry. Then you stay in Lorn-don or he come Dubai, but never stay separate - you here, him there no good…"
I nodded and smiled and as he continued it dawned on me that this man really did have something valuable to say (regardless of my actual relationship status) and I also realised that he was talking from his own reality.
“You know, I have wife, I have son… but see two years now, they don't come.”
This man was really missing his family. He didn't have to give me advice but he did. I pray that wherever our detective driver is that God will comfort him as he navigates the expat life away from his wife and child. The sacrifices people make to provide a better life for their families are a lot!
So why did I lie?
Back to me… I got out of the taxi and wished the driver a fantastic day, but deep down I wished I had told the truth.
Did I lie because I was ashamed or sad at being single - no! absolutely not. If you've been keeping up with my thoughts on singleness you'll know that I consider it to be as much a gift as marriage.
But on this foggy Thursday I didn't have the energy to explain my singleness. It becomes tiring trying to answer the “why are you single” question and experience being a teacher, it was very likely that would have been his next question. The annoying thing is also realising that had I been asked, my default answer would have been “I don't know.” I mean, is there another fitting answer?
Often, when I answer “I don't know” it unfortunately warrants pity, and I can't stand being pitied for being single*. To me the answer also sounds like defeat, uncertainty and discontentment. none of which are true for me.
So why am I single?
I'm single because God is Good. I can trust that what He has planned is the best for me, and even when the hardships of life set in He is still Good.
God gives good gifts.
Marriage is good.
Singleness is good.
One is not better than the other.
To my single friends reading this, be encouraged and be thankful that God loves you dearly. Even when you find yourself having uncomfortable conversations about your singleness, and listening to others explain your need 🙄 to be married, trust Him and He will guide you (without having to tell a lie lol). I pray that God's desires for you become the desires you have for yourself.
To my single friends giving God ultimatums because of marriage - my dear sister and my dear brother, please relax. Don't let life pass you by because of your desire for marriage. Understand that your life is much more than attending all the [virtual] church programmes on how to become a wife or husband (are there even church events like this for men? 🤷🏾♀️). Become who God called you to be, and if or when you become a spouse, you'll have the confidence of knowing who you really are in Christ, to give the best to your partner. Jesus really is our solid foundation.
To my in-a-situationship, in-a-relationship, engaged, and married friends that are in love, in trouble or both 👀, let God into your hearts and homes; even if He is there everyday, continue to make room for Him. Marriage was designed by God and that makes Him the best person to help build your home. I'll also add - encourage your single friends in their singleness without placing emphasis only on their marital status, encourage them to do well in all areas of their life. And when marriage-talk is the topic, be as candid as God permits to discuss the beauties and difficulties of marriage. Don't wait for your single friend to become a wife or husband before you start being real with them about these things.
As for me, gone are the days when my teenage-self LOOONNNGGGEEEDDD to be noticed by a guy, and wanted to be married or else! Now are the days in which I LOOONNNGGG to live a life that pleases God, single or married because I know that He defines me, and not my imaginary boyfriend from Lorn-don LOL!
So in this “month of love” be sure to Love God and CHOOSE to be Loved by Him.
First name / Friend, I really wanted to share this with you and I can only hope that you've found some encouragement in this month's letter.
I pray that in your lifetime you'll experience the FULLNESS of God's LOVE for you.
Have an amazing new month and I look forward to writing you again!
