Being a teen means taking chances, risks and going all out to learn from your mistakes. If you are not a safe landing space for when she falls then who is, during her most vulnerable moments? Do you trust the person whose arms she is falling into, or are you throwing her to the wolves? Who is on her team? Or what behaviours does she engage in during difficult times? Drugs, drinking, risky sexual behaviour, unhealthy eating habits? Pay attention to who or what is her safe landing place. This really should be you!

So you have this problem with her, but you've decided to sit it out on the sidelines. Hope she just outgrows it, think it's just a phase? Well that's no way to deal with your problems now is it? Life presents challenges and if you can teach her how to overcome through your own example of proper communication, interpersonal skills,  strategic surrender and effort she will learn to do the same in her relationships. If you can overcome this hardship with her, you will demonstrate the skills it takes to be in this world and that is HUGE!

The mystery of who we are as mothers is important. Have you been vulnerable around her? Have you told her you have been there? Or are you always playing strong? When she hears your stories she learns from them and recognizes your humanness, as opposed to holding you up on a pedestal as this “Untouchable Goddess”. She will fall hard when she learns the truth. Your perfection makes her seem insignificant and insecure. Share your failures too. She needs to see all parts of you…but do you know how to show them?

This is the gap between “What you were Given” vs. “What you Received” from your mother. These are the  unhealthy and unconscious behaviours that you carry with you throughout your life and into your future partnerships, friendships and work. Repeated toxic patterns that you never worked out with her but have a profound effect on who you are. You know..those things we all see our therapist about ;)  Help your daughter to build connection with you and you save her years of pain and misery