Hello friends!
I've been holding out on you. I haven't sent out a “Studio Notes” edition of this newsletter for nearly a year (April 24, 2020, to be exact). I've either been too occupied with other things or haven't felt like I had much to offer to write. What a year. The warping and flattening of time. The subduction of my job as a creative under the weight of mothering three kiddos during a pandemic. The feeling that everything I was experiencing was simultaneously so not normal and utterly unremarkable at the same time. It seemed both universal and pretty unrelated to sewing.
I didn't have much desired to write about fixing endless lunches and snacks and reminding my kiddos to hit “submit” on their virtual assignments and clearing the counter for the one billionth time or sewing masks or date nights in the basement with takeout while the kids tore the house apart upstairs or wiping away tears or answering emails in my underwear until after lunchtime.
Many other mothers have done, are doing this exact same thing.
Not only have I had to cut back on work, I've also cut back on social media, especially Instagram, which lately holds very little appeal for me (work for Mark Zuckerberg for free? NO THANKS!). At the same time – and rather oddly -- I've found my inbox to be a comforting connection to the outside world. I'm subscribed to a handful of newsletters from really talented people – writers, designers, activists -- and every time I get a new one, it feels like a gift. Or I can delete it. Whatever. The other day, I had a bit of an epiphany while reading an email newsletter from a quilter I follow. I had signed up for her newsletter after she shared a colorful quilt online, and sometimes her emails relate to quilting, but more often she shares stories from everyday life in her apartment with her partner. After reading her last email, I realized what a gift that was, just to get a glimpse into her everyday life; to connect to readers without a purpose other than just to connect. And then I thought: I have a newsletter!
So anyway, I am still here, but not really here. When I get your emails asking about the status of Emerald or a new size update for an older pattern, I don't really know how to answer. I look at myself – unshowered, six-year old tugging at my arm saying “mama, mama!” and I think, if this person could see me right now they would probably have their answer.
Still, it's incredibly encouraging to know that you are still sewing my patterns, using the tutorials, looking for a post that disappeared, wondering about and wishing for new patterns and updates for old ones. None of us here at MBR are working more than a few hours a week – Jess and Elli have also cut back their hours significantly (Elli for similar reasons to me and also that she's about to move across the country, Jess because she graduated and became a therapist this year!!!) -- so many days I wish I could snap my fingers and magically finish those projects. In reality, my kids are all still schooling from home. Our school district is making noise about them going back two partial days a week, next week. I look at the numbers here in Michigan and I think…really?
Perhaps before long I'll have more than 15 minutes at a time to dedicate to projects that require long stretches of time and a mental state that I don't possess right now to complete. For now, I just wanted to send out this email, a small glimpse into my life, a few things I've been up to, and hope that maybe it will offer a line of connection to someone else (you?) out there.
