Now that we have a roadmap out of lockdown, hit reply to this email if you're looking forward to going back out into the world and would like to start planning a branding photoshoot 🤍

I'm not pointing my finger at you… I'm very much guilty of it too. Sometimes these thoughts come with a pang of jealousy, or the deep-rooted certainty that these people know something that I don't, or that I must be doing something wrong. I'm learning to notice when these feelings arise and finding ways to keep myself in check (more on that below), but this is definitely my least favourite thing about using social media for my business — the deep, dark comparison pit that we all occasionally fall into.

And to be honest? It's also no fun knowing that some people will look at you and the things you share online and be triggered in the same way.

I've debated writing this, because I honestly wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm complaining, being ungrateful or having a pity-party in their inbox… but I think it's important to be open about this, because it can affect how we feel about ourselves so much. So here goes…

Truth #1: if I'd had a new booking for every person in the last few months who's told me “I've been loving your posts on Insta”, “You've been killing it with your content recently”, or “Looks like you're doing really great, you must be so busy!”… I'd probably be fully booked for the next 3 months.

Truth #2: … I have one shoot booked for March, three enquiries that I'm currently dealing with, and a couple of projects that I know will materialise in the next few months, but no idea when exactly. 🤷‍♀️

I'm not sharing this with you because I'm looking for sympathy. (It actually feels pretty scary admitting this right now, although I've learnt to live with the highs and lows of self-employment.) I'm sharing this because I want you to remember that you absolutely cannot measure someone's success by what you see online.

Perhaps the person who says they're fully booked for the next 3 months has a part-time job on the side and doesn't have the capacity to take on a lot of clients for their own business.

Perhaps the photographer who always seems to be sharing new work is shooting for free a lot of the time to build up their portfolio.

Perhaps the graphic designer who is currently juggling 5 different clients has just come out of a few bad months with barely any work booked in.

We don't know what goes on behind the scenes and what others are going through; we're only seeing a shiny, carefully curated version of their reality. So instead of focusing on what others are doing, and allowing feelings of failure and inadequacy rise up every time we see how well people are seemingly doing, let's ask ourselves one simple question:

What is it about this person that is making you feel less than? Do you wish you could show up in your business the way they do? That you could be managing your time better?

Is there something you secretly wish you gave yourself permission for?

Last week I finished reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle (highly recommend it!), and at some point she describes how she always felt deeply annoyed whenever she saw her wife sitting on the couch, enjoying her spare time. 

Here's what she writes about it:

“I stopped looking at Abby and thinking: What is my anger telling me about her? and started asking: What is my anger telling me about me? My anger was delivering a package with one of my root beliefs in it — a belief that was programmed into me during childhood: Resting is laziness, and laziness is disrespect. Worthiness and goodness are earned with hustle.

When Abby rested right in front of me— outside family-designated and approved resting times —she was challenging that root belief. She was activating it, unearthing it, bringing it into the light where I could see it. But […] my anger was almost a bitter yearning.

Must be nice.

Must be nice to rest in the middle of the damn day.

Must be nice to feel worthy of the space you take up on the earth without hustling to earn it every minute.

Must be nice to rest and still feel worthy.”

I loved that, and it's such a good example of how we can shift our mindset to uncover what our feelings are really trying to tell us.

If you've been struggling with feelings of comparison recently, here are a few more things that always help me snap out of it:

• Practice gratitude and celebrate your own wins, not matter how small
• Remember that there is enough work to go around — for everyone
• Don't be afraid to mute/unfollow people if you need to

And finally… don't forget that you are not your work. Let's not tie our self-worth to how well our businesses are doing — especially in a national lockdown and global pandemic — because we're so much more than that. 🖤

Thanks as always for being here - I don't take being invited into your inbox lightly, and I'm always happy to hear from you. 

Speak soon,

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