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Hi friend,

Here’s one simple action you can take to help end discrimination against fat bodies this week: Believe fat people when we say something is fatphobic, specifically the works of Brené Brown, Anita Johnston, Geneen Roth and Bessel van der Kolk.

This discussion is always fraught, so I’m setting some very firm boundaries. I will not detail to you how these folks’ work is fatphobic (though I may consider doing so at some point in the future). I will not entertain you telling me these works do not contain fatphobia or that I should “take what is good” from them. It is not on fat folks to contact these authors or change their hearts or minds. Do not email me with these things; I will delete them unread past the point where they violate these boundaries.

Whenever these authors are brought up in HAES and body-positive spaces, the conversation generally looks like dozens of thin (white) women chiming in to talk about how magical and life-changing and etc. etc. their books are, while the fat folks are gritting their teeth and wondering if it’s worth being the lone voice noting that, hey, there’s a lot of fatphobia in there too and that furthers our oppression.

And generally when one of us speaks up, the reaction is of hurt outrage that’s honestly pretty disproportionate. It seems like y’all have invested part of your identities into these people and these works, and are unable to even consider our words. And then you lash out at the marginalized person, further harming them.

I am not — and no one else is — saying that you are a bad person for reading and liking and finding useful tools in problematic works (or people). If these authors helped you recover from an eating disorder, that’s wonderful. You do you.

All I ask is that you believe fat folks when we speak, examine the ways in which your privilege might lead you to not see or ignore fatphobia, and stop recommending problematic works to clients, patients and friends.

“Take what is good, and leave the rest.”

It’s a privilege to be able to take what is good and leave the rest.

A common response when fat folks object to fatphobia is, “Well, just take what is good and leave the rest.” or, “Well, I just ignored the fatphobia.” Statements like these generally come from people in average-sized or thin bodies.

Today, I’d like you to step back and consider the amount of privilege needed both to make statements like those and to be able to look past bigotry and stigma, particularly if it’s not aimed at people like you.

If you think that it’s worth reading fatphobic books — like the works of the three authors above — for the rest of the content, examine what it might be like to read that same book when YOU are in the body that is despised. What might it be like to know that at any moment you might be reminded that the author fears and hates people like you and thinks you shouldn’t exist?

Suggesting that oppressed people should just put up with a modicum of oppression in order to gain some kind of greater good from a work is…well, it’s a look, that’s for sure. How much fatphobia, exactly, should I be okay with? Is there a recommended percentage?

Or is the real situation that your deep discomfort with learning your favorite works are oppressive is more important than fat folks’ liberation, so your real desire is for fat folks to hush about fatphobia so that you can keep praising your faves to the sky without either feeling guilty or having to deal with those angry whiny fatties again?

I talk about thin privilege not to make you feel bad or guilty or ashamed, but so that we can change the world. This is one way to get started.

Warmly,
Lindley

P.S. If you'd like to share this week's thought, it exists in blog form here.

My favorite image this week:

Image description: A woman with pale skin, short curly hair, a skirt and patterned tights stands in front of an urban mural with her hands on her hips, smiling.

Recent from Me

> LISTEN: Lindley on the Fashion for All podcast with Mallorie Dunn

> WATCH: Lindley on living unapologetically with Alissa Rumsey

> Five hundred thousand

> Plant Chat: Baby Plants

The Conversation

Here's what's being discussed this week in the world of body acceptance, HAES, body positivity and fat liberation:

> Challenging Fatphobia with Nic McDermid and Rohie Marshall, March 9/10

> Virtual Adult ARFID Support Group for people in California, starting March 11

> Big Fat Burlesque feat. Piggy Rox, March 13

> Australia: March4Justice, March 15

> FATT Chat with Bree, featuring NAAFA Board Chair, Tigress Osborn

> Westminster Flabby Weekly: All the News That's Fat to Print

> Here's How it Feels to Be 'Fat Enough' to Get the COVID Vaccine

> Dear Fat People – Don’t Feel Guilty About Getting Vaccinated

> Is Pfizer’s Vaccine Really Less Effective For Fat People?

> Unicorn chaser: Tiny panthers

Need a good 101 or refresher on bodies, fatness and science? I always recommend Body Respect by Lindo Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.

Image description: A teal square with a chat bubble graphic and the text, “”There are very few people out there who are showing people of my size and bigger that they can be visible too. And it’s just mind-blowing when you finally see a bunch of people that look like you and go, ‘Oh, my god. They’re amazing and gorgeous and beautiful and valid.’” » Lindley Ashline. Lindley’s logo is at the bottom.

What does it mean to live authentically and unapologetically? What kinds of shifts do you need to make in your life to be unapologetic? And what kind of support do you need to make that change?

In this Instagram live video, intuitive eating coach and nutritionist Alissa Rumsey (@alissarumseyrd) and I explore these topics and more.

You Are Not Pushy: Promotion for Non-Promoters

Here's an excerpt from the in-progress draft of the second edition of The Exhausted Entrepreneur's Anti-Burnout Guide to Marketing that you might find useful today:

One of the biggest roadblocks I see entrepreneurs give themselves is, "I can't just promote myself all the time, I'll look too sales-y and everyone will be annoyed at me."

I did this to myself for years, and it's such self-sabotage. You wouldn't look at, say, Nike, and think, "Ugh, they talk about what they sell all the time, how dare they." Give yourself the same amount of credit. Here are some things to understand that will help you get past this.
 

Yes, it's possible to annoy your audience by promoting yourself too often (we all know that super-pushy person who does not take a hint), but keep in mind that -- due to social media algorithms and the fact that most people aren't checking their feeds 24/7 -- people generally won't see everything you post (and they'll skim what they do see).

No one sees it if it doesn't get promoted. We're no longer in the early days of the internet and social media, where people followed RSS feeds for blogs and your social media feeds contained every post from everyone you followed, in chronological order.

It's not enough to just create a blog post, publish it and walk away: no one will see it, and your hard work will go unnoticed.

Your fans want to see what you're up to. Sharing your work is doing people a favor! We want to see what you're up to, so give us a chance to do it and make it as easy as possible for us.

Making a sale requires multiple touches. Touches, or touchpoints, are the number of times a person comes into contact with you or your work before buying something from you. In the pre-internet days, it generally took 3-5 touches before a customer would buy something. But in our noisy current world, it often takes 8-20 touches before making a sale. Give people a chance to come into contact with you more often so they can become invested in you and what you're offering.

It's possible to talk about your business on social media without coming across as sales-y. We'll talk more about this later, but it's quite possible to sell your work without being sales-y. The ideal mix on social media is 20% business/self promotion, 80% other kinds of posts. Your own blog posts, sales promos, and so on belong in the 20%, and the 80% can include inspirational posts and sharing of other people's posts and work. This works well for Facebook and Twitter.

That said, by the way it's constructed, that mix doesn't do well on Instagram, which is set up to encourage 100% original content. For Instagram, I'd recommend posting all original content to your regular feed, and if you're going to repost, do so in your stories.

Image description: A pink rough gemstone and four cute cotton drawstring bags with whales printed on them.

Quick Resources on Body-Positive Photography

> How to find your own body positive photographer

> Food Psych #89: How to Heal Your Body Image with Vivienne McMaster

> Fat Positive Photography

> Where is the Body Diversity when it comes to Photography Art?

> Body Positive Photographer Rochelle Brock Wants a Bigger, Rounder, Blacker Movement

Image description: Lindley, a fat white woman, is shown sitting in a cafe with salmon-pink walls. She has shoulder-length blonde hair and glasses, and is wearing a black top with a translucent blue-and-white patterned jacket. Her hands are on the tabletop in front of her.

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