Today's leadership practice is a favorite of mine. If you've been around my work for awhile, there's a chance you've completed it in the past. Lucky for you, it's not a “one and done” exercise—it's a practice worth revisiting frequently.
Two days ago you spent time thoughtfully giving feedback to colleagues. Today, you get to receive it.
Unfortunately, when asking for feedback, we often learn nothing. Not necessarily because we resist it or fail to listen, but because the other person doesn't feel safe or bold enough to provide honest, actionable insight. To overcome this hurdle, we need to change the way in which we ask for it. Here's what I mean.
- Typical approach: “I'd love to know how I can improve. Do you have any feedback for me?”
- Common response: “Nope, you're doing great!”
- New recommend approach: “I truly want to continue to grow in my ability to lead and serve this team well. It would be helpful to learn from your perspective and ideas on this. Mind sharing thoughts on two things? First, what is one thing I'm currently doing well for you in my leadership that you want me to keep doing? And second, what is one thing I could do better or differently moving forward?”
- Posing the request in this way feels less intimidating and communicates your genuine desire to hear specific feedback. You'll also notice that the questions are focused on behaviors—this will help produce tangible, actionable suggestions.
Okay, so here's the challenge.
- Ask your employees (and/or colleagues) the two recommended questions. You can do it via email or in conversation, but do it TODAY. I've included a sample draft email below to get you started.
- Take notes on their responses. Thank them for being willing to share honest, insightful feedback. If needed, you may ask clarifying questions to ensure understanding, but avoid disagreeing, pushing back, or justifying. If you sense feelings of defensiveness on the rise, stick with this line: “Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate your willingness to share.” Period.
- Review the collective feedback and identify 1-3 areas in which you want to grow. Report back to your team, either individually or as a group:
- Thank them again for the feedback.
- Share your (behavior-oriented) goals.
- Invite them to support your growth journey—to continue to give you feedback as you strive to develop in these areas.
- Check-in with team members periodically to ask for input on progress. I recommend scheduling reminders on your calendar now.
- Once you've tackled your initial 1-3 goals, it's time to identify new growth opportunities. To do this, repeat Steps 1-4.
I realize it can feel unnerving to ask for feedback, but your brain actually processes and leverages unfavorable news more productively than no news at all. “Not knowing” does one of two things: it either leaves us unaware and underperforming, or causes us to imagine the worst (which is typically far beyond the reality).
I promise, you will be glad you completed this exercise. You'll have clarity and direction—helpful information that you can actually act on. You'll build trust with your team. They'll be cheering you on. And before you know it, team members will be following your lead—humbly asking for and growing through feedback from each other. What a great culture that would be?!
