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My offering for you this week: Running a support or special-interest group of any kind -- online or offline -- is one of the kindest things we can do for our fellow humans.

 

Though it seems simple, it can also be one of the most challenging.

 

This guide will help you create groups that are not only flame-war-free, but closer to truly fair, just and equitable. Create more equitable groups >>

Hi friend,

 

I wrote this in a moment of frustration recently and wanted to share it even though it's not really meant for my readers here, because the very nature of a newsletter is to be consumed.

 

To be clear, lurking is fine! No one owes me interactions or a relationship. But there are an awful lot of people who want to treat me like a fat activism vending machine and it makes my tender heart cynical.

 

Especially given my neurodivergence, it's difficult for me to tell who's messaging me because they think I'm great and want to be friends, and who just wants a pocket fat activist they can hit up when they want a free body image therapy session or don't feel like googling for clothing stores that sell apparel in a 1X.

 

◇─◇──« »──◇─◇

 

I am more than just a fat activist.

 

Love me because I'm intelligent and organized and I follow through, not because I'm a convenient source of free education for your enlightenment. Appreciate me for my power and my skill and my artistry, not as a source of trauma porn you can use to feel better about your own body.

 

Appreciate me for my thoughtfulness, not because you can turn that thoughtfulness to your own ends.

 

Talk to me about plants and books and video games and hopes and rocks and dreams, not just endless queries about plus size clothing. Let's talk about you and about me.

 

Be friends with me for myself, not just because I'm a convenient dumping ground for your body trauma. Treat me like a full human being, not just someone to message when you want to talk about your body image.

Remember that my body is a body that lives in an oppressive system, too.

Remember that fat people are not free therapists.

 

If you're talking, take some time to listen, too.

 

Defend me the way you would your real friends. Listen to me the way you would your real friends. Respond to me the way you would your real friends. My fatness doesn't make me less of a person, or less of a valuable friend, or less in need of care and tenderness.

 

I am a person, not a resource. Not a walking directory of plus-size clothing stores and weight-neutral doctors in your particular city. Not a machine in which you place all your body history and trauma and get back comfort and wisdom in return.

 

I am not a butler you can ring a bell for to educate you at 2 a.m., or wade into internet comment sections, or comment on whatever current fatphobic news made you mad, or convince you that my body is worthy of existence on command.

 

If you find that you only message or tag me when you want something, I'm not your friend, I'm your consultant, and you should probably start budgeting to subscribe to my Patreon or pay for a consulting appointment.

Warmly,
Lindley

 

P.S. You can share this week's letter here.

Featured Fine Art Print: Honoring My Two Homes

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Image description: A fat Hawaiian and Tongan woman hula dances on the pebbled shore of a body of water at sunset.

From Me to You

Featured Stock Category: Swimsuits & Fatkinis

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Image description: A plus-size person wearing a strappy swimsuit, lace robe and stockings, and big earrings with red hair lies on a blanket on a beach and holds a lace parasol in the air.

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The Conversation

In the Body Love Shop

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Quick Resources: Effects of Reality Television on Weight Stigma

Image description: A figurine of a fat femme person with long hair and a red bathing suit, surrounded by green grass and clover flowers.

I'm Lindley, and I work for liberation for all bodies

Image description: Lindley, a fat white woman, is shown shoulders up in a heart-patterned dress. She has blonde hair and glasses, and is smiling.

Hi! I'm Lindley.

 

I'm a photographer and activist (she/her, pronounced LIN-lee) who celebrates the unique beauty of bodies that fall outside conventional "beauty" standards. I live outside Seattle, WA. People come to me for:

  • Body-safe portrait, boudoir and small business photography sessions
  • Diverse, body-positive stock photos & fine art prints
  • Health at Every Size (HAES)-aligned editorial services and consulting
  • The Body Love Shop, a curated resource for body-positive and fat-positive art and products

Get details on all my offerings at bodyliberationphotos.com.

 

Pssst! Did a friend forward you this email? If you'd like to get your own body liberation guide every week, just drop your email address here.

 

You're on this list because you're a current or past client or customer, or you signed up on my website.

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