Hi friends,
 

How's your October going so far? I love this spooky, witchy month where we get a few precious weeks of fall before winter arrives in all its Scorpionic/Capricorny glory. 🍁 💀 🎃
 

Today's email is a celebratory note to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FIFTY FEMINIST MANTRAS! It's hard to believe that my lil book baby was released 365 days ago today, and that it's already been out in the world for a year. (If you're new here, Hi! I wrote a book called Fifty Feminist Mantras, and it came out a year ago today.)

 

Before I regale you with my reflections on the highs and lows of being a published author, I do have to say that I would be incredibly appreciative if you ordered a copy of the book. Fifty Feminist Mantras makes a fantastic holiday gift for yourself & others, and it's currently only $10.99 at Target! I know everybody loves a good book and a good deal. Thanks in advance for ordering a copy or two. 🥳

 

 

Ok, on to my one-year-later feelings about book publishing…

 

When I first signed my book deal, I was excited. Like thrilled, overjoyed, ecstatic levels of excited. I was going to write a book! It was going to be released by a publisher! It would be in book stores everywhere! I had dreamt of becoming an author since I was a kid, and I couldn't believe my dream was coming true. 

 

So as I do when I have the opportunity to accomplish a big dream, I threw myself into the process. I wrote and wrote and wrote, and after I submitted the final manuscript to my editor, I turned my attention to marketing and promotion. I didn't have money for a publicist, so I was in charge of my own PR. And wow did I take that job seriously. 

 

In summer 2020, I launched the Fifty Feminist Mantras Launch Club, announced my goal of selling 15,000 books, and publicly grappled with how book publishing is entangled with Amazon. I did everything I could think of to promote my book —all while writing, talking, and dancing about Fifty Feminist Mantras nonstop.

 

 

Then suddenly it was October 6, 2020! Launch week/month was a whirl of virtual events and podcast appearances. Many smart people have written about pandemic book launches, and I'm here to second what they said—“wow it's weird and exhausting to do so many online events all at once!”

 

Over the course of the fall, my book got lots of love from podcasts I pitched and a few exciting placements on Bando, Refinery29 and E!Online. To the joy of my preteen heart, there was even one copy of it stocked in Barnes & Nobles everywhere. I couldn't believe it!

 

Launching my book was a really joyous process, and I felt on top of the world as I awaited my end-of-year royalty statement. I had done SO MUCH, and I felt SO GOOD. I had no clue if all my efforts added up to sales, but I hoped those feelings would be reflected in my numbers. 

 

So do you want to guess how many books I sold? 
Is this a story of unbelievable success? 
Am I a millionaire now?

 

Most certainly not.

 

By December 31st, I'd sold 3,150 books—a third-ish of my goal and just half of what my agent estimated would make my launch a success. By June 30th of this year, it was just 183 more—for a grand total of 3,333 (what a magical number!).

 

 

If I'm being honest, at first I felt a little crushed by that number. But after a few deep breaths, I regained my composure. I may not have come close to my goal, but 3333 books is plenty to be proud of!

 

The magic of publishing my first book is that the words I spent so much time crafting ended up in the hands of beloved friends and strangers all over the world. Amazing people read my book, and I met amazing people in the process of releasing my book.

 

The other side of that magic is that any dreams I harbored of becoming famous, successful or rich as an author were punctured by the realities of Big Publishing, Big Media, and Big Amazon. 

 

Perhaps even more importantly, any belief I had that I could work hard enough to sell 15,000 books was totally demolished by the fact that I worked SO HARD, but in the end I lacked the money, influence, and luck to achieve my goal. Hard work isn't always enough. Wow was that lesson I needed to learn.

 

 

Releasing a book has been a beautiful, overwhelming, joy-filling, and soul crushing experience all at once. It's brought me face-to-face with my biggest dreams and my deepest fears. It's changed my life, and it's changed absolutely nothing about my life.

 

More than anything, it's reminded me of some of the precious wisdom that I shared in Fifty Feminist Mantras. Trust the process. Grow soft. Open doors. Imagine radically. Give thanks. Comfort yourself. These are the lessons I want to hold on to and carry forward. The very words I wrote in my book. Exactly the words I needed to hear.

 

 

I don't have a tidy ending or perfect conclusion to this email. Fifty Feminist Mantras is still out there for you to purchase, and I think my feelings about it will be evolving as long as that's true (and probably after). 

 

For now, I'm just grateful to all of you for being with me on this journey. I'll be over here basking in that gratitude, eating Fifty Feminist Mantras themed cookies, and asking you to order my book for the foreseeable future.

 

 

P.S. If you enjoyed this letter, please consider sharing the love & forwarding it to a friend! And if you're the friend, I'm so glad you're here! You can sign up to receive monthly-ish notes like this at this link.