Sacred Rebel, Big Hearted Human, Courageous Pioneer,
I will just jump right in. I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember.
A fear of not being the best, a fear of failing or not achieving the highest A++ available, the most books read in a summer, the sought after scholarship, the most precise barre student/teacher, a highly paid job before finishing college, a formidable corporate responsibility leader, a recognized corporate social intrapreneur, the most ah-ha's in a single coaching session together…
…but at great personal cost. An expectation that unless I am the best, I will not be enough. I will not be loved. I will not fit in.
I will not belong. I will be rejected.
Which led to an incredible shyness, keeping myself small and quiet...for too long.
My unique differences, my wisdom, my true contribution, my real self forgot who she was or what she really wanted somewhere along the wending way.
All of these external expectations I was trying to live into, I had adopted as my own…my fear of failure, “not enough-ness,” keeping me small, stuck, disconnected.
Until an experience that I intuitively (I only say that now, I didn’t know it as such at the time) and intentionally created to shake myself up. I had realized I was the only one holding myself back (despite all the external markers of outward “success”). The only thing standing in my way of being “the best” version of me and creating the most positive impact in the world…and being happy…was…me.
I had an experience where there was no space for pretenses because there were no expectations, anxieties living rent free in my mind were evicted…I was suddenly…free.
And in this unexpected liberation, this absence of the fear of whether I measure up to some external expectation, I explored joy, awe, childlike wonder, ravished by a new found freedom to be.
And I met her. Me.
In the absence of my self imposed limitations around not being the best by some external and ever changing standard, something incredible opened…
more fun, adventure, risk, love, stillness, essence, purpose. And you know what? I WAS the best. The best version of me. I had remembered who I was, as if meeting her for the very first time, with a hint of de ja vu.
I was afraid to travel (says the woman who travels between the USA and Asia half the year for the past 6+ years). I was afraid to be away from home. But I was even more afraid of not being the best leader - and I knew extensive travel was part of that equation. And if I didn’t travel, and if I didn’t lead innovative work across global supply chains to enable relationships with suppliers to be more fair, and treatment of workers more equitable, and reduce fashion's impact on the environment….
…then who would I be?? The scariest question of all. So I got on the plane despite the nightmares and terror, because I was driven by a deeper fear.
And when I met her in Sri Lanka, something released. Suddenly the questions of who am I? What is my work? What is my purpose? What if there is another way to serve the world? What if there’s something else I am meant to be doing and could do so joyfully, have fun, be free? These questions became less scary than what if I keep doing this to myself forever?
I suppose dancing in a new way with this passenger is part of what invited me into the work and study of courage as I choose to make fear work for me, instead of against me, on a pioneering path of impact and purposeful leadership and living. A super power I associate with a willingness to take risks which align with a bigger picture, something beyond self, in integrity with values and a sense of purpose.
As I discovered a deeper layer of my heart, an inner source of infinite joy and renewing stillness…I inadvertently discovered where courage (and self trust) comes from. And by practicing self compassion (still a practice!) I am learning to intentionally tap into this courage, calling her to the surface when I need her most -- at times of uncertainty, complexity, indecision, etc.
Every single one of us have fears (many of them shared)
A courage process (and practice) helps us move through the fear, turning it into an ally, a reframe, and prevents us from getting stuck for too long in the middle as we move onward intuitively, despite lurking uncertainty.
Having self-compassion as we get curious about our discomfort is the courageous conversation. An ability which enables us to recognize this in others – relating, co-creating, collaborating, supporting on a deeper and more impactful level than before.
What will it take for you…
to be willing to accept yourself as you are?
to be willing to discover what it might be like to live your one wild and precious life free from the limitations you yourself impose?
to step into your courage, claim your joy as your right, pursue purpose as your greatest contribution, have an impact by living fully into your values?
And what if…
…a space to do just that we’re to find you and invite you in for a hot cup of spiced tea or a cool coconut? In a tropical land where all that is expected of you is to be the big hearted human you already are, for an amount of time just enough to tap into a clear vision of the “more” you are meant for when you embrace who you REALLY are…
It.is.coming!
…head to my *new*
website for some clues. how you too can join me in stepping courageously into joy, purpose, and impact. More soon! 🏝
🔥 oh yeah, I have a
NEW WEBSITE!!!!
