hi hey hello! 👋🏻 Every year around this time, someone on Beyonce's Great Internet tweets something like this 😑 : |
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And every year, I DELIGHT 😏 at this clapback: |
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Image ID: a tweet by @daREALcocodavis reads, “We're 7 months into the year. How much have you achieved?” @BlvckGrip responds in the thread, “I don't like your tone.” I have NO problem with ambitious, goal-oriented folks reflecting on their year — I think that's great! Please do that! I just don't vibe with these grind-culture kind of tweets because they put us in the wrong mindset to reflect. Wondering if you might be allergic to end-of-the year reflections? Do "new years resolutions" you give full-body cringe-hives? Then this email / episode is for YOU. |
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That's right my dudes— the Call Me When You Get This podcast is back, and Season 2 episodes are available on this email list, ONLY! Prefer to read it? Scroll on. |
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I need to tell you a story ABOUT A PEACH TREE & A LITTLE BIRD (I swear it's relevant) |
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🍑 Imagine there's a sentient lil' peach tree, wrapping up their year, and they want to look back and consider how much they've grown. Peach Tree looks at their trunk and notices it's a little sturdier than last year's: “Hey, that's nice!” Peach Tree examines their branches: “I mean, I guess they're broader and taller, but I can't really tell? And look at these scraggly-ass leaves!? What, am I balding right now?” Frustrated, it looks across the orchard at an absolutely bangin' pomegranate tree, heavy with fruit: “Why couldn't I have been a pomegranate tree? How are all these other plants growing so damn big and tall!? What's wrong with me?!” Peach Tree starts thinking about how it didn't make as many peaches as it could have this year, and feels ashamed: “I'm a mess. I wasted this growing year —my lack of fruit, these scraggly leaves— it's all proof. I failed. Again.” |
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THE PEACH TREE BEGINS TO GRIEVE. |
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Just then, a little finch —one of the orchard's regular bird visitors— lands one of Peach Tree's inner branches and notices their grief:
"Peach Tree, what's wrong!?" Peach Tree tells Little Finch about how it didn't achieve any of its goals this year; how it will never live up to its potential; how all these other trees are thriving, strong, and productive; how they'll always feel far behind everyone else. The tiny bird listens for a while. And then, it the biggest voice it can summon, Little Finch interjects: "FRIEND! STOP THIS, RIGHT NOW! You're acting like your growth this year was based entirely on you— on your willpower, your discipline, or your desire. Did you forget that you live in an orchard?! How can you reflect on your achievements without remembering that your environment played a huge part?! "Think about it: What was the quality of the soil this year? How much —or how little— sunlight did your leaves get a chance to soak up? Was there an unexpected cold snap during your growing season? Did you forget about all the energy you had to pour into fighting off a virulent fungal infection all year long? OKAY, WELL, THOSE THINGS COUNT! "Stop acting like your growth & progress happens in a vacuum, friend. Your growth isn't about your willpower; you are a part of this orchard, whether you like it or not. You grew this year IN SPITE OF all those environmental stressors. You grew this year BECAUSE OF those environmental supports, and—" |
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Stunned, peach tree tries to interject in its defense:
"Well yes, but I meant that— |
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"I'M NOT DONE!", Little Finch squeaks, sternly. "Did you ALSO forget that you are a seasonal being? That your growing season is different from that of the other orchard trees? I SAW your branches heavy with peaches back in the summer — have you forgotten about all the beautiful peaches you made, just because they aren't on your branches now? And while we're at it, OF COURSE that pomegranate you've been comparing yourself to is heavy with fruit right now — this is it's fruit season. Stop comparing yourself to pomegranate, or any other tree! You are lovely as you are, right now!!!" Little Finch finally pauses, breathing fast from all it had to squeak. Peach Tree falls quiet, amazed. After a little while, Peach Tree smiles sheepishly. "Thanks, Little Finch; you're right. I totally forgot about my epic summer peaches, about the cold snap, about the eroded soil, the plague. I had no control over those things; I grew as steadily as I possibly could. I'm doing pretty damn amazing, all things considered!" Little Finch chitters with relief. "EXACTLY! Remember this next season, okay? Celebrate all the ways you've grown in the context of the orchard. Now point me in the direction of those predator bugs eating your scraggly-ass leaves, cuz that pep talk made me hungry!" |
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YOUR YEAR DID NOT HAPPEN IN A VACUUM if you're gonna reflect, add context! |
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You are the peach tree, my dude. When you look back at your year —whether that's leading up to New Years, or on your Birthday, or at the anniversary of something— remember the orchard you were planted in. → Your growth IS NOT just about your willpower, your self-discipline, or your desire. It's about how you how you directed & adapted your energy based on your ever-changing circumstances, resources, and cultural context. 👆🏻 READ THAT AGAIN.👆🏻 Your energy and attention are not about willpower, they're about resources. Does your body/brain have the resources it needs at that moment? That's it. That's what determines whether you're motivated, focused, or productive. It doesn't matter how hard we work, how much we try to self-optimize — we can't "self-care" our way out of environmental influence. Our context comes with us. Our goals aren't achieved in a vacuum. Remember the orchard. |
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YOU'RE DOING REALLY F*CKING GREAT, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. …now let's consider them, shall we? |
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The goals that you did not achieve this year were NOT all because of you. |
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Think about all the circumstances that you and I cannot control — things that cost us energy, attention, time, money… - How have your life circumstances changed over the last year? That costs energy to adapt to.
- What's going on in the world that you've had to adjust to? (cough...unprecedented global pandemic, economic insecurity, human rights abuses, backsliding democracies...cough) That costs energy to adapt to.
- What has changed about your health or body state this year? Have you had to to deal with any physical health issues, unexpected illness, or chronic conditions? What about the health of your loved ones? That stress affects us, too!
- What about your mindset or worldview? Have you had to deal with any mental health struggles this year? What about the mental health of someone close to you?
These things cost energy to adapt to. And on the flip side? |
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The goals that you did achieve this year were NOT all because of you. |
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No one achieves ANYTHING alone. Think about all the circumstances you and I cannot control — things that boost our energy or mood; things that save us time or money... - Who shared their resources —their money, their effort, or their time— with you this year? Who supported you, cheered you on, reminded you they cared about you at one time or another?
- What worked out, even though you had little to no control over the outcome? What good things happened to you that were just plain...lucky?
- What invisible privileges offered you less struggle in some areas of your life (even if you were struggling in others?)
These things fill our energy budget, making growth a little bit easier. |
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BE PROUD of all the ways you grew this year: The spontaneous, obvious, very public growth-spurts —AND— the tedious, behind-the-scenes, heavy effort, very slow growth. You grew this year because you wanted to, because you tried, because you were willing to. But you also grew this year BECAUSE OF all those environmental supports and IN SPITE OF all those environmental stressors. → When you look back and reflect, remember the orchard. → Remember that each of us has a different fruit season, and a different dormant season. → Remember that you're doing pretty fucking great, all things considered. And remember that I love you. 🍑 Anyways, |
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PS: Did this email mean something to you? Please forward it to a friend! Help another Peach Tree remember the orchard they're planted in. PPS: Still looking for a one-of-a-kind gift for your bestie this holiday season? Don't miss out on the F*ckyeah Giftbox — there are only (11) left in the world. They're limited-edition, packaged sustainably, and only $37. Check it out here! PPS: Did a friend forward this email to you? Hi there! I'm Alexis. You can catch up on the newsletter-episodes you've missed by subscribing HERE. (ICYMI: I'm a positive psychology-certified coach that translates the science of happiness into practical resources for anyone who grew up on the Internet. It's fun.) Welcome! |
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