As we get caught up in the day to day life, doing ALL the things to just get by, our relationships are usually the easiest thing to take for granted.
We hustle and bustle to keep up with work, the kids, the pets, feeding the kids, and making sure everyone has all the things. Then we finally sit down, exhausted at the end of the day, just to do it over again the next. In all that craziness that we go through, it’s easy to get wound up and overwhelmed.
Especially when, all of a sudden, the calendar reminds us of a big date (an anniversary, “date night”, or birthday) and we try our darned-est to show up with love and appreciation to keep the connection we have alive.
Let’s think about connection. Connection, true connection with the ones we love, cannot be fabricated. If you tried to connect with a family member two minutes after a fight, you may have a really hard time finding the feelings that connect you so deeply to the other person. It takes reflection and accessing the well of memories we have built our relationships on.
Drawing on those memories and connections are a part of who we are and how we function. They become so much a part of our daily life that we may even forget to refill the cup (the one we are repeatedly dipping into) by creating new memories and connections. Before we know it, we risk empting our cup all together, making it extremely difficult (if not impossible) to continue giving to the connections we so desperately want to maintain!
We’ll let you in on a little insight we have - those “big days” aren’t the only ones that fill up the cup you are pulling out of each day. Connection is not just built over romantic dates with our partner, staring deep in each other's eyes. It’s not made solely during the epic birthday party or family vacation you’ve planned for your kids. These aren’t the main reasons we continue to work so tirelessly everyday to do all the things, or feel able to turn towards our family members even after a fight or misunderstanding. The little moments you keep in your heart are.
So how do we get more of those moments when we feel like our everyday lives are stuck in a tiring repeat cycle?
Take stock of the little moments each day. Look for the things that will make you smile - and do them. Let the dishes wait for tomorrow night (don’t worry, they WILL wait!) Laugh with your kid about silly, goofy stuff. Get curious with other family members over new things, no matter how small (this is often the path to big discoveries). As cliche as it sounds, stomping in puddles, eating dinner late on the couch, and doing things out of your normal routine (aka being flexible) can lead to wonderful memories.
As you build these small moments and collect them in your well of memories, you build the resiliency* of your family bonds. You fill up your cup of connection with those you love so that the little things stay little, and you are able to move through them with your family instead of by yourself. We are not meant to be islands within our family.
All members are meant to be important and connected, and our relationships with each other really can be maintained in simple, everyday ways. So give yourself credit for all the little moments you and your family are already enjoying, and make having more of them a priority. It’s what will truly fill up your heart.
*What is resiliency? We consider it our power to get through a challenge AND come out on other side stronger than we were before!
