Pretending it's someone else I'm helping is a trick I picked up a few years ago when I saw my mom being treated horribly by someone. She didn’t stand up for herself as I know she would have for me. I pointed this out to her and suggested she pretend it was me getting treated this way. This totally worked for her, and she demanded a cease to the abusive treatment. She was heard and given the respect she deserved.
I see this happen a lot. Parents devote countless amounts of energy to supporting their children, creating building blocks for their growth and learning, offering unconditional love and acceptance along the way. But how often do we give these same things to ourselves?
In my opinion, not often enough. However, we can learn how to start doing it more often. Like any new thing, it takes practice.
Practice reassuring ourselves with loving self-talk.
Practice having compassion for ourselves as we continue to grow.
Practice believing in our self-worth even when we make mistakes.
As I drove the 20 minutes back to look for the bike, actively changing my self-talk to make room for self-love and acceptance, I experienced a wave of emotions. I started the drive feeling anxious and angry at myself, but really that was just covering up deep feelings of guilt and unworthiness.
Talking kindly to myself like I would my child, I realized I was soothing my own inner child - the one who had learned along the way to fear making mistakes, to feel shame in imperfection. I forgave myself for mistakes I’d made, today and in the past. I cried as I drove, releasing decades worth of old emotional energy.
It was not the first time I’d sunk deep into these feelings after making a mistake, but maybe it could be one of the last. I let go of guilt and made room for unconditional self-love and acceptance instead, and started to feel like a new person.
When I arrived at the trailhead, the bike wasn’t there, but I felt calm and peaceful. I called my husband and made plans to pick up a new bike that evening. While I’d been driving he had looked online and found the same model in stock at a store nearby, even in the same color. It’s amazing how quickly you find a solution when you let go of the emotional weight of the problem.
The next day, my son joyously rode his bike down our neighborhood street, and I walked proudly next to him, free from guilt and shame. I had learned that I can make a mistake one day and still be happy the next. I felt so light, I might as well have been flying.
