hey y'all,
this letter i wanna talk about three statements that have come up in different ways from leadership, relationships and even my own inner dialogue, but that boil down to one thing.
the first is âyou should know thisâ.
this came up in two instances: while i was working on a skill-based task that i was/ am fairly new to and for someone who i coach that is in a leadership position. the latter was receiving this sentiment from a group where they worked.
the second is âyou should feel ashamedâ.
this came up within me around body and self image talk. this came up for someone i know who was sharing what they felt from other people they were in relationship too.
the third is âyou should feel safeâ.
this one is interesting because this came from people that were in groups, communities, networks, and pods where the sentiment was âyouâre receiving this-this- and this, you should feel safe here/ there. you should feel appreciated. you should feel goodâ.
in these three instances, all of us were noticing in our bodies that we didnât feel that way initially. we were being projected onto what the people/ person thought we should be feeling based on what they deem as a true about the way we should be navigating our bodies, our worlds, our relationships.
& they culminate into one thing: a projection from culture, society, or people who internalized these belief about what is acceptable. this should lead us to being a good person, to feeling safe, to keeping us well, fulfilled, flourishing, etc. but its a projection of their truth, not ours. our bodyful awareness of how it doesnât fit with our way of relating, our sensing of a space, our truth is information that tells us their projection is not what we feel - their projection is not our embodiment.
the reason i think these are so important is because by noticing them and noticing how they donât sit well in our bodies we have the ability now to say âno moreâ.
no more am i going to allow you to project onto me.
no more am i going to act like thats what serves me best.
no more am i going to accept how you gaslight the truth i embody.
we have the capacity now through noticing this to set up the armor, people, systems, boundaries and inner authority to remind us of who we are, what we deserve, what out truth is instead of being convinced of the projections being offered to us.
this is a reminder that anytime you bump up against a âshouldâ, i need you to remember to ask if that 'should' is yours or someone elseâs. does that serve me or not? what would serve me better? because you have the power, i have the power, we have the power to set up the circles of care that serve what we want to embody better; that allow us to lead, relate, and be in the ways that honor us.
so go investigate those âshouldâs youâre receiving and investigate what lies under them, find out what serves you best and set up the care that is going to allow you to walk in that power and in that truth. for me it starts with my internalized self-talk, where will it start for you?
