Hey there, First name / friend!
It’s been six months since I last wrote to you. The break was unintentional, and I’m doing what I can to allow that to be true, to be exactly what it is, a mere fact, without turning it into a grand story about my shortcomings (as I am prone to doing).
So here I am, feeling a bit rusty as I flex this writing muscle again.
The reality behind this unintentional break is that last fall I faced an unprecedented level of burnout. It was the perfect storm of scenarios that pushed me past my edge and so clearly illuminated all the ways in which I had built my business around the needs and desires of others.
The other underlying truth that I had to reckon with was that I love the work that I do. (I honestly would do it just for the love of it if I could!) However, this was leading me to say yes to more exciting projects than I could reasonably handle, so I was working around the clock. Unsurprisingly, my mental and physical health suffered.
I also realized that a deeply brewing anger was starting to rise to the surface. Though I love my work, I was angry that we live in a society and within a system that requires me to exchange my time for money in order to survive. It is also exceptionally challenging personal work for me to be more boundaried in order to find my way within this system while maintaining my health.
These hard truths had me stretching myself to new limits. As a people pleaser, learning to say no has been fraught with fear, doubt, guilt, and learning how to become comfortable with holding other people’s disappointment.
Burnout is never fun, but for me at least, it always seems to come with important truths that show me where I’ve overextended or neglected my values. With those truths in mind, I realized I had to completely shift how I’m working.
I don’t know about you, but it always seems like I have to learn these hard-won lessons in such a visceral way. I often can’t see where my boundaries are until they’ve been crossed, and only then can I make adjustments.
It took about 4 months from deciding and announcing the change to fully see the effects of the shift. Slowly, subtly, I am finding the space to breathe again. In recovering from that place of burnout, I had certainly lost my will to write and subsequently felt like I had also lost my voice.
Oddly enough, even though I was terrified to write when I first started my business over six years ago, it is now one of the most profound ways I connect with my intuition. For those months when I was stuck in a state of over-production and overwhelm, I felt so disconnected from Self and Soul. And if my pursuit of keeping the business afloat requires me to take that leave of absence again from that integral connection, I don’t want it.
I’m continuing to find ways to tweak what I’m offering so that the business continues to be in support of me, the human behind it. This is the same desire I have for each one of you.
In no way do I intend to glorify burnout, and I also cannot deny the gift of my recent experience with it. It beckoned me to reconnect to my deepest values and make adjustments so that my life and way of working better align with those intentions. This is why the Own Your Why® process is so important to me, and why I return to it again and again in my business journey!
If you’re experiencing fatigue, burnout, anger, frustration, I encourage you to take a look at what’s most important to you and where your current way of working might be causing friction. And if you are able, use this clarity to adjust what can be adjusted. If you’re waiting for permission to make changes, this is it!
I’m so grateful to be back in your inbox. If you have an update you’d like to share, or simply would like to connect, hit reply. I’d love to hear from you!
xo,
M.
