I've been reading books nonstop lately. Here's what I've been putting down so far this month (each book is linked):

 Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Over the weekend I watched Taylor Tomlinson’s new standup special Look At You on Netflix. *Minimal spoiler alert* there’s a part of her skit where she’s explaining what a sex-worker does to confused audience members- she sums up the degrading nature of calling a sex worker a prostitute by saying, “It’s like referring to comedians as clown- you’re not wrong, but you are an asshole.” 

 

This immediately made me think of how professionals tell people consistency is key- they aren’t wrong, but they’re leaving out the context of what that means much less how it's done… which happens to be the missing ingredient for most- if not all- people who are struggling to build consistency.

 

 

Professionals aside, we are guilty of forcing ourselves into situations that don’t fit our circumstances under the guise of ‘consistency is key,’ - which ends up translating to “if you’re going to bitch about it- DO something about it”.... successfully assimilating as assholes towards ourselves as well. 

 

AND HOW WELL HAS THAT WORKED SO FAR?! 

 

While there’s more than one way to get to any goal- wouldn’t you like to get there without as much stress, struggle, or having to learn avoidable lessons? 

 

For those of you who’d like to get someWHERE or someTHING, without fighting yourself the whole way, then I got you! Even if you’re a sucker for platitudes like, “Nothing worth having comes easy.” 

 

*Speaking as a cheeseball who LOVES a platitude.* 

 

Not everything worth having HAS to be complicated, unnecessarily hard, or a Disney princess rags to riches story to be transformational or impactful. 

 

It can be a simple, everyday, feel-good sitcom like Golden Girls, Living Single, Schitt’s Creek…Rick and Morty. Something that makes the mundane a joyful experience- one episode, adventure, or step, at a time. 

 

 

 

 

In order to redirect your energy, focus, and flow towards effective strategies that build consistency, we need to invest our energy into learning new processes that prioritize consistency and has it built into the process itself. 

 

That’s where the 6 Stages of Behavior Change comes in! 

 

We’re used to subscribing to our own suffering in order to feel we’ve earned it- even if ‘it’ never comes, we still tend to take pride in the consequences we endured anyway. “I’m going to do it, or die trying.”
 

These conclusions we tend to draw get in the way of quality solutions, which often require a thoughtful conversation. 

 

•Biting off more than you could chew/mismanaging expectations from the jump.

•Avoiding reaching out for support when you need it most.

•Pushing away actual self care when needed to instead check the boxes of idealized care- often called the ‘shoulds.’

•Expecting yourself to be the person you want to be already, without having learned all the lessons and skills required to become that person. 

 

 

So, full circle- you’re not wrong: consistency IS key. But how do you get it? You may very well have a skewed perception, or misplaced expectations, of HOW consistency is achieved and what it looks like in every day life. 

 

 

If you want the shit to last, be the tortoise, not the hare. 

 

A platitude to meet you where you're at: 

Spiritual people: You’re always where you’re meant to be. 

Religious people: There’s a lesson to be learned.

Scientific people: Your brain adapts to the volume of your environment. 

Agnostic people: You are the sum of your choices- make different choices. 

 

No matter who you are or what you believe, at any point in time, each of your behavior patterns can be summed up in 1 of the 6 stages- sometimes spending a lifetime stuck in one stage for one behavior, while flying through all 6 stages in a day for others.

 

 

There’s a lot to cover in all 6 stages, so for relevancy of where most of you are at currently, we’re going to focus on the first 3 stages- precontemplation, contemplation, and preparation. (I’ll sum up action, maintenance, and termination at the end.) 

 

If you're feeling zesty, you can through an impromptu exercise in while learning these stages by identifying ONE behavior that comes easily to you, maybe: staying in touch with your social circle each week, and/or ONE behavior that has been a struggle, maybe: eating all your meals throughout the work-week. 

 

•Lacking information about the need for change- immediate or otherwise.

•May have failed in the past and now lack confidence

•May spend considerable energy denying the problem exists

•Take pains to avoid receiving info about the problem

•Examining their feelings + forming opinions about pros/cons despite knowing very little. 

 

In precontemplation, people are often identifying the problems or consequences they’re facing, but not the origin or problem causing them.

Example: feeling the physical effects of eating too little like brain fog, irritability, loss of focus, disinterest towards others, fatigue, and headaches, but not aware that eating too little or inconsistently causes these symptoms. 

 

•Examining pros/cons more seriously

•Begin challenging preconceptions OR seeking info that validates their beliefs.

•Have already tried or attempted altering behavior in some way 

 

 

•Have already made some form of successful modification to behavior.

•Ready for a commitment to change.

•Seeks out additional complimentary changes or enhancements for changes they’ve already made. 

 

People in this stage have been able to get themselves considerably far and have gathered a lot of information, but tend to struggle putting those pieces together or have a trajectory for that information. In other words, has all the tools, info, and support needed but lacks strategy of putting all the pieces together and into consistent motion. 

 

The Contemplation and Preparation stages are where the large majority of my clients are when they come to me- this is the point I finally ask for help, too! Silent sufferers in the building- pew pew pewwww… go team.

 

 

Action phase: strategized-steps are taken to begin pursuing a change. Notably takes approx. 6 months to engage fully in the action stage. (Hence why my fullest support program is 6 months long.) 

 

Maintenance phase: troubleshooting obstacles with mini-processes that adapt the changes made to ever-changing circumstances, including making changes to support structures, sources of inspiration and information, boundaries, and systems used.

(Hence why I take an agnostic and client-lead approach to coaching- I don’t subscribe to singular-prescription approaches or ‘plans’ like Whole30, 80/20 Rule, clean-eating, much less keto, low-carb, fasting, etc. They simply don’t stand the test of time and are misplaced expectations in and of themselves.) 

 

Termination phase: when something old gets replaced with something new. This is when you’ve learned enough info, skills, and have found processes that successfully allow you to drop old patterns that no longer fit your lifestyle.

 

These are some examples of behavior termination from clients:

•dropping the belief they ‘should’ or need to be the same size they were in their 20’s.

•dropping the misconception that freedom of food choice means ‘letting themselves go.’

•dropping the idea that wellness is only for people who want to get fit- rather than being a tool for general well-being to feel more energized, focused, and emotionally stable (whether food-conscious and working out regularly or the exact opposite of that.) 

 

Feeling well doesn’t look the same for everybody. 

 

To progress through each stage of behavior change- which is a circle of continuation, not a line going from A to Z- you have to meet yourself where you’re at and begin climbing the steps in front of you. 

 

The ‘size’ of behavior change, or action taken, is not important or indicative of significance of the change in behavior. 

 

Smaller changes are your best freaking friend. The smaller the change, the more likely you are to adopt it permanently and can build more and more success on top of it. 

 

Small and slow is how to build true consistency- so if you’ve ever found yourself agreeing to a Whole30 with friends, a 6-month self-care challenge,  or hell week at your gym and wondered why it didn’t stick once all said and done… this is likely why- the grandeur of the gesture failed you before you even started. This happens anytime consistency is not baked into the process. 

 

 

This process is NEUTRAL- meaning it does not discriminate between bullshit goals and valid goals, the use of inaccurate vs. accurate information, nor does it indicate whether the outcomes will have an overall positive or negative consequence. So it can most definitely help you as much as it can set you back. 

 

You’re already, and have BEEN, intimately engaging in these processes your whole life whether you knew they existed or not. So interrogating and challenging your own intentions and the info/resources/approaches you’re utilizing throughout each stage is crucial to remaining within integrity of yourself, as well respecting your capacity for change at any given time. That's why from science to spirituality, you'll here people ranting and raving about the importance of reflection. It's literally how we learn! 

 

 

ANNND I’ve provided a resource focusing on solutions/interventions specific to those 3 stages. 

 

(Pause for a moment of gratitude: HUGE thank you for your support and the feedback many of you have offered. Sharing your experiences allows me to speak more directly to them and makes each newsletter better than the last!) 

 

However, if you found yourself identifying most with the action, maintenance, or termination phases in the impromptu exercise earlier, email me to let me know where you're at and I will send interventions solutions specific to the later-stage you’re in! 

 

 

Download the resource and begin working on the behavior you’re wanting to change, meeting yourself at the stage you’re in, and moving to the next stage once you’re ready. Each stage can very well take all of 6 months or more to complete- that time will pass anyway, so if you take the time to do this the right way, you won’t have to constantly circle back to learn the same lessons over and over again! 

 

You've probably heard a lot of this advice before! But now you have context to know where those efforts are best utilized, piecing them into place by order of priority. 

 

 

So come June, we’ll be circling back to the topic of Behavior Change, but talking about how to find best success while working through each stage using the tools available to us: pattern interruptions, routine-linking, ensuring quality/accurate information are adopted so you can be confident in your approach, and challenging yourself along the way. 

 

I challenge and question my clients’ intent, priorities, and have them reflect on the outcomes of their decisions on a weekly and monthly basis- it’s my job to ensure they are in alignment not only with the use of accurate information for health, wellness, behavior change practices, and blah blah blah…, but first and foremost, with themselves, the people who mean the most to them, and their values. Priorities! 

 

 

More on that come June…. But that’s all she wrote in our Behavior Change series for March! We’ll be breaking from the newsletter the last week of each month so I can fully devote myself to professional development and my client’s End of Month Reviews. I'll see you back here the first week of April with our next topic of the month- Self Care: How to save yourself from burnout. 

 

Want to know what to expect on the call? Click here

Want to book a date to chat? Click here

 

 

 

 

•If coaching is a good fit, we'll get you started. 

•If not, we'll get you turned around in the RIGHT direction!