As we approach the end of the first quarter of the year I have been thinking a lot about seasons.
I don't tend to be a sentimental parent. Part of this is because it's only in the last few years that I have done active (sometimes painful) work to develop emotional fluency and not be a robot. I also have always been realistic and practical about the cycle of life and the inherent changes that come with aging, whether it's the growth of my kids or anticipating death (please everyone, make sure you make your wishes known and set up a will if you haven't yet done so!).
And yet.
I knew this year would be different. My kids are both in milestone years, with one heading to college in the fall and the other finishing elementary school. We are a very long way from the delicious yet sleep deprived image above and I share it because it is, in fact, the case with parenting that the days are long but the years are short. A lot of energy in the coming months will be poured into marking school transitions for both kids; the spring school events calendar is overwhelming.
This quarter I had an opportunity to make a big change that would wildly disrupt the apple cart of life that I have worked on righting after a tumultuous, and at times blindingly painful, 2021. The change had the potential to result in a financial windfall that could come in handy during a time when we are about to embark on college tuition payments.
And with surprising clarity, I decided not to disrupt the apple cart. In this season of change I chose less chaos instead of more money. This is no small matter given that I grew up in scarcity. I have been on my own financially since I was 18 years old and I know that one of my struggles has been overextending myself out of fear about money. It was painful to be taunted for wearing the same clothes to school for a week at a time as a kid. It was humiliating to be told to be grateful when I was handed a musty, decades-old Girl Scouts uniform from a charity bin because I couldn't afford a uniform. It legitimately sucked to be a young adult who just wanted to spend college summers hanging with friends and instead needed to work 60+ hours/week to pay for college on my own. There are so many stories.
By the numbers, I have had evidence for years now that everything is fine. But scars from humiliation and hunger and longing for the impossible take time to heal. When I chose to be present for my kids in this season of change, to give myself the gift of the predictability of what is working right now, it felt like I was – for the first time in my life – trusting that I am doing enough, and that there is enough.
It's taken me 48 years to finally get here. Cue giant exhale.
Life is, indeed, abundant. I wanted to share a few other things that have happened in this first quarter of the year:
- The response to Edit Your Life 2.0 (aka A.A. or “After Asha”) has been so generous and loving. Quite frankly, part of me wondered if everyone would just disappear when Asha left, but that has not been the case. Thanks, people, for showing up.
- I got to see my mother play ukulele and she continues to be the ultimate inspiration.
- Last week James the standard poodle turned two (Monday) and Violet turned eleven (Friday). Both celebrations were teeming with love and sloppy kisses.
- I finished my 1,000 words x 80 days writing practice! I am just starting to look at what I wrote in the beginning days; to reflect and edit and see where things go next (if anywhere).
- I returned to the theater for the first time last month, to take Violet to see Blue Man Group in Boston. What a joy to be immersed in creativity, and I was vaguely relieved not to be in the poncho seats where you may get sprayed with blue paint (or other mystery fluids).
- Writing this piece for CNN on adult friendships was truly life giving. It feels like a scrapbook of social bravery and survival.
- It was so hard to witness the pain of early decision season for so many families. I just want so desperately for all kids to find their place and be met with love that is not tethered to the broken, privileged system that is college admissions. Writing this piece on rethinking the college rat race for Boston Globe Magazine meant a lot to me.
- And speaking of a change in seasons, I loved working on this feature for the Washington Post on the developmental milestone that is tweens pulling away.
If you are like me, and experienced scarcity, here's to honoring those experiences for everything they were, but not letting them drive your present.
