For me this has been one of the most influential pieces of becoming a parent that I did not expect to rule over so much of my everyday life. I know this resonates with a lot of you as well. We bring these young, new-to-it-all humans into our lives and everything changes. A large part of that change comes from our own emotions and the emotions of our little ones. Now neither one of these can be controlled, but on a good day, we can manage them.
I use the words control and manage very intentionally here. As human beings we cannot control the emotions we have. Some days, wouldn't it seem so nice if we could?! A lot of things would make me answer yes to that question. However, a lot of things would also make me say no. Emotions are part of what makes us human and I want my child to embrace all of herself, which means the emotional sides as well. Which leads to the question, how do we allow our children to embrace their emotional side without driving ourselves as parents crazy?
When answering this question, it really sends me to look at myself first. I am the wayfinder for my daughter in these experiences. I am the one who can teach her the path to navigate through the emotions and back out to calm. This means that I have to be able to do that for myself because in those moments, my emotions can easily get entangled with hers. I have learned that I need to teach myself the skill of pulling apart our emotions and first handling mine (which is a great chance to be an example, btw). After I am calm then I am ready to lead her. There is no way I would follow someone who is upset, yelling, or crying, through the forest and trust they would get me out to safety; so why would she?
In this journey as a parent, I have found many ups and downs and chances to learn. My child just being herself has taught me the most. She is truly herself and feels with all of her being whether she is happy, sad, mad, or tired. There are some tricks I have picked up along the way that have led to lots of learning and great impacts on my daily life. Jenny and I talk and comissorate about our parenting journey when we work together and the biggest impact we have found in how we are able to be the guide our kids need is how we approach our children in a way that they feel heard and understood. In my job as a preschool teacher I hear many parents talk about how they wish they could just get through xyz in the day without the meltdown. Often I am able to give very simple but consistent advice to parents. If we stop and deal with the emotions first, it often leads to things being able to be done quicker and happier. However, there are those times where we get into a power struggle repeatedly of seemingly small things. That is a different kind of moment that is not so much about their emotions and more about our approach. We have solutions for those headaches that can come when your child just isn't listening, as well. They will be coming soon!
