I took an impromptu trip to Daytona with my alumni dance team for college nationals- so our Tipsy Tuesday turned into a Thirsty Thursday. All that to say, don't stress so much about your week-to-week that you miss out on life's opportunities for spontaneity. 

Self care is all the rage right now. There’s a good chance at least one of you have engaged in some sort of self care challenge this year because of it! 

 

My therapist and I have a fun relationship since we’re both in the behavior modification and self-care realms. And while we spend plenty of time painfully dissecting my life and calling out my bullshit, we also discuss what’s going on in our fields and how each of us see it show up the most in our clients. (Hi clients 👋)

 

Last therapy session, we got into the promotion of, and investment in (financially and otherwise) of what is now being labeled as… Bubble-bath Self-care. 

 

Social media and mainstream’s interpretation of self care looks something like:

•Bubble baths and wine after a stressful day at work

•Getting all your workouts in each week

•Skincare… all the skincare.

•Eating ‘clean’ and reducing inflammation in the body

 

While these things can most definitely be a part of your self care, they most definitely won’t help you avoid burnout, mental exhaustion, or emotional turmoil. Which I'm sure we've all felt the effects of at one point or another- like when we have ‘that time of our life that was rough' or still feeling like you're not getting what you want out of life no matter how hard you're working at it. 

 

 

 

 

When we spend time self-caring, it’s because we expect something out of it, right? 

 

 

•time for ourselves to do whatever the fuck we want without guilt

•opportunities to learn new things, see new places, meet cool people

•a life we don’t feel desperate to hide or escape from 

 

 

 

The self-care we know best is the kind where we’re grasping to feel normal or complete again once we’ve already exhausted ourselves- 

 

 

And while things like workouts, rest, reflection, meditation, and even bubble baths are great for the portion of self care called self-regulation, there’s a GIANT lack in the portion of self-care focused on planning, creativity, problem solving, and accountability… on the regular. 

 

If you just went ‘that seems kind of dumb…’ then strap in because this month’s newsletters are literally made for you because you’re the one who needs this information MOST. (love you!) 

 

 

You know it’s possible, but figuring out how the hell to get there is… a journey. One that doesn’t end, but gets better and better with time. 

 

 

If I could summarize the next month’s emails on self care, it would be: 

 

 

What we want out of our self care is NOT going to come from checking the boxes of perfection in the same way that simply showing up to work everyday doesn’t mean you’re being productive while there. 
 

What we’re summarizing as bubble-bath self care, and anything that might fall under it, really comes down to one goal: stress management. 

 

This community has BIG don’t-fuck-around/give-em-hell energy. So if stress relief or management is really what you want, then I’d assume you’d like to have the mega-strength, extra-effective, most-relieving approach? 

 

Great. 

 

Because like most emails, we’re going to have a ‘UGH I don’t have time/don’t want to do that- there has to be something easier!’’ moment, then we’re going to sit with ourselves after a while and go, ‘well, what I’m doing STILL isn’t working, so fine, I’ll do the stupid hard thing.’

 

And that’s why I love you. Us stubborn people are cut from the same cloth- slow to decide and committed as fuck once we do. 😂
 

Once you’re ready to stop fighting it, here’s what you’ll (most likely) need to do to redirect your efforts… or at least balance out the self care you’re already doing by adding the pieces vital to enjoying life as it comes: 

 

•Spending time day-dreaming your ideals, imagining what that could look like realistically, and contemplating the options.

•Planning your route, troubleshooting obstacles that arise, creating space for reflection

•Taking action (even when it’s scary af), accountability for what you’re responsible to, involving others in your process

•Alone time for just being, playing without judgment of what, why, when, or how, and prioritizing rest, and showing up for others. 

 

 

If you’re feeling uneasy right now…. It’s probably because you’ve specifically been avoiding this shit, hoping the problems would go away with time, with a new job, with a new partner, with the next vacation, and so on. 

 

Even if you’re not ‘ready’ to hear it, the truth is IF you want to feel fulfilled, be functioning, or even thriving, then you have to do the work to get out of a ‘fuck it’ mentality. 

 

You have to stop avoiding yourself and show up as the powerful, beautiful, fully capable BEAST you are, you beautiful bitch! 

 

But this time, instead of channeling your inner badass through degrading self talk, beating yourself up, or guilting yourself into every ‘good’ thing with a burdened attitude, I want you to work on channeling that same version of yourself with more compassion, self-awareness, and steadfast patience that can only come from your wisest-self- the one who knows how to get shit done without doing damage to your soul. 

 

 

And for a group of people who probably LOVE hyper-fixating on “what’s within my control…” this is the epitome of focusing on what’s within your control and really is a better use of your time than trying to micro-manage your life through self-care challenges or checklists. 

 

My clients and I usually spend the first 3 months of coaching carving out their time for self care by setting boundaries, rearranging and optimizing their daily schedule, then identifying priorities and obligations vs. guilt-driven commitments and ‘I’ll just do it myself’ impulses. 

 

So next week, we’re going to start by deconstructing one of the biggest obstacles to self care- work-life balance. We’ll touch on: 

•the Great Resignation

•working from home

•and the boundaries that need to come with it… 

 

SO you can focus on proactive self-care versus desperate self-care. 

 

 

 

Option 1: Treat your schedule as if it’s someone else’s- then search high and low for areas of opportunity to create space.

 

Option 2: Look back on your week to keep this simple- were there areas that you needed rest but overworked instead? Where you spent your time one way, but didn’t get the fulfillment you needed from it? Places where you spent more time on a task than was necessary? 

 

Option 3: See the articles in the Party-Favor section at the bottom for self care and if you haven’t already, download the Wellness Workbook to get my process for going from ‘fuck-it’ to functioning. 

 

•If coaching is a good fit, we'll get you started. 

•If not, we'll get you turned around in the RIGHT direction!