welcome to the unfolding, a bi-weekly(-ish) newsletter curated from my heart.**  

thank you for unfolding with me. ✨  view past newsletters here.

 

 

there’s this unfolding for me around insecurities recently. i remember growing up and feeling very insecure about a bunch of different things: my body shape, the way I spoke, my high pitched voice. today i see insecurities coming up in myself, friends, colleagues, clients, coaches, and leaders as this unhealed “flaw” that needs fixing. and sometimes we do need healing, yet i believe we all are whole and flawless. society projects we are flawed because there’s a benefit from the shame, guilt, and hiding that we do when we feel insecure.

 

insecurities, at its root, are fairly simple. they are in lack of security, a lack of feeling safe. having our needs met makes us feel safe, thus i’m starting to think that insecurities are just our needs not being met.

 

if we start to think about insecurities as needs not being met, this can shift us away being ashamed of them. our insecurities start to be wells we need to fill. they start to look like things that keep us balanced and well.

 

our needs are met by two means: the tending we do for ourselves (inner) and the holding that the outer world offers us. the inner can be how we talk to ourselves, for example, and the outer how people talk to us.

 

so what if when we feel incomplete, flawed, unwell, incapable to play the part, instead of cowering and feeling ashamed for having an unmet need, we look at them as our bodies pointing out that we are human, that we want to feel safe, able to play the part, but there is something we are need to be able to do that. insecurities aren’t flaws in us, they are requests from our human bodies to shift our inner and/or outer systems to meet a need that is unfilled. 

 

sometimes we are tricked into believing we are flawed and become insecure based on the norms or “accepted” things projected onto us. when these insecurities come up, we can see it as a request from our bodies and our wellness to shift what we believe or who in the world is holding us as humans, not robots or mannequins.

 

 

solo self-practice: on a piece of paper, make three columns. column one, write down a list of the ways you feel insecure, incomplete, or unwell, write it down.in a second column, I want you to try and pinpoint what's the need that is aligned with that insecurity. think about what it feels like, its texture, where you feel it in your body.then tune into that need a bit more by closing your eyes, tuning into that color, that rhythm, that feeling, and try to sense how you can get that need met by inner or outer means. is it spending more time with yourself or asking a loved one to help you? is it scheduling your day different or working with different people? notice what's pulling you towards having that need met and write that in column three. pick one and work towards that this month.

- Natalie Davenport is facilitating this  group coaching program specifically digging into one of my favorite resources: White Supremacy Culture- Still Here by Tema Okun. check it out here!

 

- two of my favorite people Kali Boehle-Silva and Jen Lemen have launched 3r's on the fly “a practice of self and co-regulation that works with rhythm, ritual and routine to bring the nervous system into a cadence of recovery, responsiveness + well-being.” for 10 days. 3r's changed the way i move through my life and its the gift that keeps on giving!