We talk A LOT about parenting ourselves with as much love, compassion, and support as we parent our children with.
After the supreme court's decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, a lot of us are angry right now. Parents of young children know all too well that 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 by anger doesn’t get our children very far. We know it’s not healthy for their bodies and emotional well-being to stay stuck in feelings of anger, and we’ve seen first hand how it can keep them from finding the solutions they desperately want in order to solve their problems.
Anger doesn’t just go away though, nor should it be made to. The first step is acknowledging, accepting, and dealing with anger.
Our job as parents is to help our kids learn to regulate and express intense, heart-felt, and very real emotions in safe and healthy ways. As adults, wishing to move forward into progress, better circumstances, and solution-finding for the world, we must give ourselves safe and healthy ways to regulate our own big emotions before they unintentionally negatively impact ourselves, our families, and our communities.
So if you’re angry, go ahead and stomp your feet. Scream into a pillow. Hit the couch cushions. Cry wholly and fully. Talk with supportive friends and loved ones. Ask for and accept hugs. Journal and reflect on what's underneath this emotion (anger is often a first layer emotion to fear, guilt, shame, or doubt). Do whatever healthy, safe thing you need to do to get that energy out of your body. You don’t deserve to hold that hurt in, and feeling and expressing intense emotion doesn’t make you any less of an intelligent, capable, and respectable adult.
If you're up for it, you can always invite your kids to hit pillows, journal, or go outside to get energy out with you (perhaps the second time around). It may be a special memory waiting to happen, and likely to soothe your healing heart.
While these worldly dilemmas and frustrations aren't meant to be a young child's problem to solve or dwell on, our kids still benefit by seeing us deal with what bothers us in healthy ways. We might explain to them,
"I am not upset at you, but mommy is frustrated by something happening in the world. So I am going to take a quick break and calm down, then I can come back and play with you."
Don't be intimidated by, “what do I say when they ask me what I'm mad about?” It's natural for children to be curious, and part of parenthood is laying out healthy boundaries. “I don't won't to talk about it, but thanks for asking/checking on me,” or “I know you want to help me feel better, but this isn't a three year old conversation.” Even when a topic is inappropriate to discuss with a young child, we can reassure them that, right now, they are safe, loved, and that we'll be there for them.
Just like helping our young child calm down, dealing with anger is what makes room for successfully solving a problem. Let’s be successful problem solvers and show our children how to effectively deal with our emotions so we can then move into making impactful change in the world around us.
