Dear First name / Friend,
If you're reading this email, you likely know two things about me:
1. I'm generally a very positive and upbeat person (literally Positivity is #1 on my CliftonStrengths assessment. It's okay - you can laugh.)
2. I'm a certified coach who helps my clients shift their thoughts, emotions, and beliefs to create positive changes in their work and lives.
But something that people sometimes forget about me is that I'm human. I have a lot of hard days, and I struggle. I'm not always resilient or happy. I can get rattled when things aren't “perfect” or don't go my way. And I have a hard time balancing the positive with the negative.
So this month, I'd like to share about the topic of positive mindset, and debunk a couple of myths.
Yes - positivity is a beautiful thing. Encouragement, hope, celebration, appreciation, and gratitude help people heal and make the world go round. Positive humans are people we should be very grateful for.
But when positivity is used inauthentically, as protective armor, or to avoid making important changes in our lives, it does more harm than good. It actually keeps us really stuck and unhappy. No one wins.
In my coaching work, here are a few examples I see all the time:
“My job makes me miserable but it pays well and makes my parents proud, so I should commit to one more year.”
“My partner doesn't listen to me when I'm feeling hurt but they do nice things for me so I'm not going to say anything.”
“I don't like the way my dad treats me but he's done so much for me in my life, so I should just tolerate his behavior."
“I'm having an awful day but I have so much to be grateful for, so I'm going to suck it up.”
If you're reading between the lines, these examples have a common thread. They're identifying something really valid that brings someone pain, but using positivity as a crutch to avoid addressing the situation.
Whether or not we realize it, we show up this way all the time. And our families and friends even encourage it.
If you've done coaching with me, you've likely heard me say to embrace the power of the “and.” What that means is that you can hold two competing thoughts or emotions at the same time.
You can be really bummed about a bad day at work, and feel grateful for your job. You can be excited for an upcoming opportunity, and scared shitless about how it will go.
But we have to be really careful about when we are holding onto the positive side of the “and” to avoid reality.
Recently I came across an Instagram Reel by Mark Groves who said: “Positive thinking cannot save you from toxic circumstances. Sometimes the most liberating thought is actually the negative one. [That] can be the path out, if we're willing to go through the truth of it."
Yes, Mark. You tell 'em.
So today I invite you to think about an area of your life where you are using positivity to cover up your pain.
What could happen if you chose courage over comfort, and moved toward your liberation?
Stop judging your emotions. Get real about your feelings, and what you need to do in order to feel more at peace and live your best life. Ask for help where you need it. You deserve it.
