Hey there, First name / friend!
Things have been interesting inside my brain lately.
Work has slowed a bit, which I am genuinely grateful for since the pace that I had been keeping was unsustainable. And yet, funny how even though I wished for and intentionally created this space, I still am having a hard time settling into it. With each grateful exhale there seems to be an anxious & shaky inhale.
Here’s the conundrum:
When times are busy, there is a comfort in seeing the regular cash influx into the business—a comfort in that perceived sense of safety. But with that busyness can also come exhaustion. I’ve been pretty clear that my main metric for success has never been only about money, but I also can’t deny that money is still a critical component to surviving within capitalism.
With this newfound spaciousness, I am finding myself feeling more physically, mentally, and emotionally well, but then the financial precariousness of this time begins to weigh heavily on me.
I cannot deny that there is this urge to do something. My brain can get really loud telling me, “You have all this time! Now is the time to start working on that big project you’ve been dreaming about. Or better yet, why don’t you think about creating something brand new that can bring in some cash to help bolster you in this period?!”
This voice has been pretty darn persistent, and in the past, I’ve listened to it. Continuing to make myself busy. Creating things out of this sense of desperation rather than from a place of true inspiration. Feeling like the space that I’ve yearned for is something to be dealt with and managed rather than something to be experienced and cherished.
All of this contemplation has me ruminating around this one central point: