I was walking out of the Billy Motel, a hillbilly chic restaurant and bar in Davis, WV when I ran into a few girlfriends. They asked if I was on a date, motioning to the handsome man waiting for me at the front door, and gave me kudos for my very attractive score. I told them, “Even better than that, he’s a really nice person.” We giggled and the one girl gave me a low five in congratulations, then I continued out the door and on with my date. As I left I heard them say “grown ass women date nice guys” which made me cackle and gave my handsome date a proud smile. “So girls like bad boys and women like nice guys?” my date asked. I quickly reminded him that it’s not helpful to shame girls for their naivete- they get shamed enough as it is.
Later in the week, I was talking to a friend about my home invasion last December. I casually mentioned that while processing the trauma was excruciating and I definitely don’t want to do it again, I will be grateful for the experience when I look back in five years. “That’s a bold statement, please explain,” she responded a little shocked. I told her what I already knew - that whoever broke in knew what items would inconvenience me if stolen. Based on the things taken, and the strange events leading up to the break-in, I suspect an ex-boyfriend. The police and some friends thought it could have been a different boyfriend and if an ex-boyfriend from 10 years ago knew where I lived, it could have been him as well. Having a somewhat lengthy list of “guys I’ve dated who are crazy enough to do something like this” or “bad boys” put my dating life into serious perspective.
I’m a little crazy - I mean this in the best way. I like to huck myself off waterfalls, camp in freezing conditions, run far distances, rip the skin off my fingertips by climbing rocks, and will skinny dip pretty much anywhere at any time of day. I love my kind of crazy and I want to share my life with someone who is crazy just like me.
That statement right there is immense growth. “I want to share my life with someone who is crazy just like me.” That statement didn’t come to me until after my house was broken into, until after I realized I was dating the wrong kind of people. The kind of knowledge, trust, and intuition comes with growing into your feminine energy and becoming a grown-ass woman.
Yes, grown-ass women date nice people, but they also love themselves fiercely. They respect themselves and don’t hold space for those who do not match that respect. Grown-ass women date nice people because they are nice people. They aren’t wounded looking for someone to save them or searching to control and change another to be more like them. They are intelligent and driven, nurturing and loving, passionate and affectionate. They want to date someone as equally nice, amazing, and crazy (but in a good way) as them.
I hope you read this and know deep down that you are deserving of a nice kind of love.
Growth Mindset
4 things I did to become more diligent
(Keeping this from last week because 70% of my regular readers didn't open the new format)
Organize my google keep app. My notes used to be filled with 1,000 different thoughts, mostly unlabeled, just floating around. After a few hours of organizing, all my notes are now in folders such as business, social, wellness and writing. After labeling and filing, I archived them so they weren’t on my main notes page. Now I have a few pinned notes, such as my daily routine with checkboxes, tasks that move the needle and a weekly to-do list. The rest is searchable or can be found in folders. When I laid my phone down upon completion of this task, it felt like a 3lb weight had lifted off my chest.
Created a habit bag. A canvas tote filled with a water bottle, vitamins, travel yoga mat, passion planner, coffee mug (with tea bags), a phone charger and a small toiletry bag for skincare. No matter where I travel, if I have my bag, I have everything I need to follow a productive routine, all in one place without thinking (love automation).
Started passion planning. I am not one for planners. They don’t work for me, I can't stick to them and I end up wasting paper. However, a passion planner does not have set days (so if I skip a day, I don’t skip a page), it highlights a daily focus, gamechanger goals, self maintenance tasks, daily lessons, a detailed schedule and a whole page of “space for infinite possibility” to journal, draw, brainstorm, mind map or take notes. This has forced me to become more creative, while also keeping me motivated to write down all the revelations I’ve been having lately.
Started a daily routine. Using a combination of a habit bag, a passion planner and a daily routine google keep checklist, I have started doing a few key things every morning. First, I breathe. I don’t reach for my phone to scroll on social media and start my day with a dopamine overload, I take a few seconds to reset my nervous system and set myself up for success. Next, I wash my face (or because I’m lazy, sometimes I just splash my face with water) to signal that it is time to get moving. I reach into my habit bag to grab my water, take my vitamins and pull out my travel mat for three sun salutations. This whole process takes less than 10 minutes and then it’s time for my treat - a hot cup of tea or coffee while I start writing in my passion planner to get clear on my daily goals. Next, I fuel my body, post on social media and take a water break. Every step is an item to check off on my google keep note and soon it’s time to move on to tasks like intentional play and move my body (aka hot girl walks). The combination of a daily checklist, a bag of everything I need and a planner to keep me on track, has helped lower my stress level, which has allowed me to redirect energy towards more productive thoughts and tasks.
I think friends should kiss one another. Maybe romantic or sexual, but also just to show affection. I love this. I love showing affection; I do it in the way I hold eye contact, to show you that you have my full attention. I do it in the way I squeeze your arm because physical touch is my strongest love language. And nothing makes me happier than a tight hug and a little kiss on the forehead or cheek. A few friends used to say hello with a kiss, but they all eventually started dating someone and it faded away. I get it and I respect it, but can’t we have both? Can’t we have respect and affection? I want a partner in a relationship so secure that affection amongst friends does not threaten the life we are building together. I want clear communication about boundaries before they are crossed. If they are crossed, I want honesty and acknowledgment. Maybe this kind of trust isn’t immediate, maybe that kind of freedom in a relationship comes with time as it grows deeper roots.
Okay, I should start this by telling you that half of my brilliant recipes come from my family, specifically my sisters. We spent the long weekend hanging by the creek in my West Virginia home and hardly did anything that wasn’t munching on food, floating on a tube or socializing with friends that stop by. This quick and easy snack was a hit all day long and I could not wait to share it with you.
Ingredients:
Naan bread
Garlic butter
Some sort of cheese (we went with mozzarella but goat or gorgonzola would be awesome)
Your choice of veggies (mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, beets, whatever)
Fresh herbs (basil) and balsamic reduction to top
Turn your oven to 350 degrees and brush both sides of your naan with butter and garlic
Pop it into the over for a few minutes to warm up the bread on each side
Top with veggies and cheese and throw back in the oven until it tools done (time may differ depending on veggies, but 10ish minutes)
Once your pizza is out of the oven you can add fresh herbs or greens and any sauce or reduction
Cheers to the journey, I'm so grateful you're along for the ride.
