I’m going to bet that you know a little something about that. Whether it was an unfulfilled human promise, or you believed you received a promise from Jesus, hoping when you've been hoping for so long, hurts.
There’s a single unfulfilled promise that I typically don’t address, but I know it’ll come up in the future because some of my most difficult lessons have been right in the middle of it. And it just so happens that this particular unfulfilled promise is the one that hit me from all sides pretty hard, starting in the middle of 2020 with seemingly no end in sight.
And for whatever reason, it was a storm that drowned me.
See, this unfulfilled promise had me doubting – not doubting God and who He is, and I think that’s what made showing up here so difficult for me. Because I didn’t doubt God, I didn’t doubt His existence; I didn’t doubt that He could work a miracle, I didn’t doubt that He loved me and that He was moving in my life and talking to me, using me to do what He had called me to do.
Just doubting.
Conversations with people in person (as limited as they were in 2020) and in the online community that had grown to nearly thirty thousand people looked like they always had:
“God is so good.”
“I’m praying that God delivers big things for you.”
“His hand is all over you, and He is moving all the pieces for you.”
“I know it looks messy now, but it’s going to turn out a masterpiece because that’s what God does.”
When family and friends moved forward in their lives, I was ecstatic for them– genuine excitement for the new relationships, the graduations, the engagements, the weddings, the babies, the buying of homes.
I was absolutely thrilled with all these good things that God was bringing into their lives.
I simply doubted that God had good things for me.
Still do.
First name / friend, I’m not writing to you from past the heartache. I’m not writing to you from the other side of a promise fulfilled. I’m writing to you from the middle of it. Where hoping is difficult; where I tell Jesus multiple times a day,
“I gave this to You, so please take it away”.
The middle is hard; the unfulfilled promises are hard.
And, as Jesus told me quite sternly, I had to stop hiding behind it.
Because I know I’m not the only one who struggles to hope when we’ve been hoping for so long. So, that’s why I’m back here, and it’s why you’ll probably see a lot more heartache and struggle, vulnerability.
I’m not hiding behind the unfulfilled promise anymore, I’m learning to still trust God in the middle of it. I know I’m not going to do everything “right,” so I hope, at the very least, you won’t feel so alone.
Now, I know this one was longer First name / friend, so if you made it this far, thank you- and I’ve got two takeaways to share.
If you resonated with being in the middle, I want to remind you of a couple things I remind myself of daily:
- It’s okay to feel all the feels. Don’t forget that you are allowed to be human. You can struggle, question, and doubt while being a Christian-- just don’t forget who God is while you’re feeling it.
- Keep your eyes on Him. It’s easy to sink. Peter did it, and Jesus was right in front of him, and Peter had ASKED to be called onto the waters in the storm (CRAZY, right?!). So periodically, when I’m having a bad day, I set a timer for 5 minutes to let it all out or sink into it, and then I put on some worship music and remind myself of the amazing God we serve.
Okay, that’s all for now. I really, really hope this quick email series explained my absence for the last year and a half.
I am so excited to get back to all the things on Insta, starting with a giveaway on Aug. 1st – so make sure you’re following us there.
Cheers to this next chapter First name / friend. To growing and continuing to pursue Jesus – relentlessly yes, but also deeper than we have before.
I’m ready for it, are you?
