Do you like so many people speak negatively and abusively to yourself? I used to be; I would automatically repeat those old records I picked up from other people growing up. I call these old records ‘false beliefs’ for they are not your beliefs, but rather beliefs other people programmed us with. When we hear something enough times like “you are so lazy” we sadly adopt that as our truth and believe that record that says we are lazy.
How many of you find yourself calling yourself things like stupid, ugly, fat, too thin, lazy, not good enough, failure, and the list goes on? I used to be so self-critical and never had anything good to say about myself until one day a friend yelled at me when I called myself a ‘stupid shit’, which I did often, and she yelled at me saying “don’t you speak to my friend that way!”
When she did that something clicked inside of me, and I remember thinking ‘you know what she is right!’ I would never speak to the people I cared about that way so why did I believe it was ok to speak to myself that way? Because I was programmed too. I grew up with a mother that was emotionally and verbally abusive and I believed all those horrible things she would say to me. So, I decided that day to make myself my new best friend.
What do I mean by that? I mean I no longer verbally abuse myself. I speak to myself the way I would a friend or loved one. When I make a mistake instead of calling myself a “stupid shit” or telling myself I am not good I pause, take a deep breath, and tell myself that’s ok you made a mistake, and you can learn from it. I tell myself to move forward and tomorrow I will do better.
I have learned to be gentle and patient with myself, especially if I am having a bad day. I give myself permission to rest when I am tired or to take a day of doing nothing when I am feeling burnt out without guilt or verbally abusing myself because of it. I give myself permission and tell myself it’s ok everyone needs a day of rest occasionally, you deserve this.
If I do fall back onto old habits and speak to myself harshly or negatively, I apologize to myself and tell myself the opposite of what I had said. So, for example if I slipped and told myself “You are so lazy” I catch it and then tell myself the opposite “you are not lazy, you are tired today and it is ok for you to rest today.”
Positive affirmations are a great tool to help reprogram our brains and to delete those old abusive records. They help to learn how to speak to ourselves in a loving, positive, and supportive manner. And isn’t that what we deserve? There are many studies proving the positive effects that affirmations have on our brains and well-being.
One thing I discovered from my journey of self-love is once I learned to love and respect myself, I no longer allowed others to disrespect me or treat me in a manner that was not acceptable to me. I learned how to teach people how to treat me better because now I believe I deserve better.
It took time for me to get to this place and I am so grateful to be here. One book that really helped me a lot is called “Mirror Work” by Louise Hay. It is a 21-day journey towards self-love using affirmations while looking in a mirror. It took me over 2-years to complete this 21-day journey because I would stay on a day until I believed the words I was saying deep down within me. I would stay on a day until I could say the affirmation easily and with belief.
For most people looking at themselves (really looking) is extremely uncomfortable, it was for me. I had never truly looked at myself in the eyes before this book and when I did, I hated what I saw in my eyes – sadness, darkness, tiredness, self-loathing, anger, and a lot of fear. The best I could do when I started with the book was look into my eyes and say, “I want to love you.” Today I can look at myself in the mirror, I mean really look at myself and tell myself that I love me for exactly who I am and that is a great feeling.
Isn’t time that you felt this way about yourself? Isn’t it time that you make yourself your new best friend? Because you are beautiful, smart, funny, and deserve to be treated with love, dignity, and respect. It is time to release the self-abuser from your life. It is time for you to embrace the miracle you truly are!
Namaste!
Pat Laurino
Intuitive Energy Healer and Psychic Medium
