We have all been there. Someone is visiting, whom we haven’t seen in forever and that frenzied feeling of “I must clean everything!” starts to take over. Afterall, this is the first time they will be seeing your house (or they will be seeing your house after a long time away) and you don’t want them thinking you live in a messy place. We end up working tirelessly the day before they come to visit to make the house look immaculate (which let's be honest, we have kids so it never stays that way) and tire ourselves out. Usually this comes at the expense of really enjoying ourselves during the visit or at the expense of our family members who are just “living” and making countless more messes. I recently had some experience with this and I would like to share it with you.
One of my dear friends from college who I have kept in touch with over the years since we graduated, through random meet ups at the holidays when we are in the same general region of the state to visit family, or through social media chats was coming to visit!! I had not had the chance to see her in person since maybe a decade before, which was well before we had children. Now, one of the key pieces to this relationship in the past few years is that this person happened to also be my business partner and the co-founder of The Parent Empowerment Movement - Jenny.
Jenny and I talk with our clients and on our social media accounts all the time about topics such as not burning yourself out, asking for help with the “load” of being a parent and running a house, and about being our authentic selves with those we love. Well, cut back to me, thinking about having visitors, mid-work week, in the evening, feeling like my house was in shambles because we had recently recovered from yet another illness that had struck our house this year and we had plans the weekend before, so cleaning was not prioritized. At first, that panic and frenzy mode set in. I thought of the longest list ever of things that needed to be cleaned or put away before they arrived. I worried that it looked like I didn’t care about my house or family enough because things were everywhere, there was a heap of dirty dishes and the floor looked like we were living outside (I’m talking dirt, leaves, cat hair - the works).
However, I am proud to say that I caught myself. I stopped this panicked train of thought and made myself think of why the visit was happening. This was not an inspection to see how clean my house was, this was an opportunity to visit and spend quality time with friends. So I buckled down, yes, to do some basic cleaning like run a load of dishes through the dishwasher, but there were still dirty dishes on the counter! I decided it was OK that it looked like we lived, worked, played, and ate in our house. Yes, we swept - once. There was still cat hair and dirt on the tile floor. Yes, the chairs outside had to be swept off before we sat and relaxed by the BBQ before dinner, but it was a team effort and then we enjoyed each other’s company.
During this visit, I became very aware of the many things I was eternally grateful to my dear friend and now business partner for. I am thankful for the lessons we help each other see and really strive to practice in our daily lives. I am thankful for her wisdom and gentle reminders that we are all doing the best we can, the best we can. Last, but of course, not least, I am thankful for her kind words that helped reaffirm my choice to learn the lesson of not spending all my energy on making my house perfect before her visit, “your house is so cozy”. That was all I needed to hear to know that I had created the environment I wanted, a perfectly imperfect home.
Stay tuned for Jenny’s take on this topic coming soon!
