So many times, I hear people say, “I just want to be happy” or “I want to find someone so I can be happy.” I used to say those words myself until I learned a little secret. I learned that nothing and nobody outside of myself can “make” me happy, they can only add to my happiness. I learned that happiness had to start with me first.
As many of you know I was in a recovery program for years for drugs and alcohol and one thing that used to make me angry in the group and with my sponsor was whenever I was in a low place and struggling with my sobriety, they would suggest that I make a gratitude list. I hated gratitude lists and thought that it was the dumbest suggestion, mostly because I never felt grateful for anything and because my lists where always the same and NEVER made me feel better.
Well, one day my sponsor suggested that I make a gratitude list and she wanted to see it when I was finished. I went home grumbling inside about having to do yet another list and decided you know what, I am going to show her, I am going to make a misery list and write down everything that makes me miserable and unhappy. In my mind I thought this was going to show her just how bad my life really was.
I can tell you that my misery list was three pages long and it backfired badly. There were only three things on that list I could not change, three out of over 100 things that were not in my power to change because they were things about other people that I had no control over. EVERYTHING else I could change, everything else on that list were things I did have control over, and it turned out the only one making me miserable and unhappy was me!
I brought that list to my sponsor in tears because I realized I was the issue, not what I always believed were the issues. The only one getting in the way of my happiness was me and it was that day reading my misery list to my sponsor that I decided to change all of it. I realized that nothing and no one could make me or give me happiness, I could only do that, for happiness comes from loving yourself and when you love yourself you discover that you love your life even it isn’t perfect or what you had hoped for. I started feeling gratitude for everything in my life.
My sponsor once said to me, “if you aren’t happy to begin with then how do you expect others to make you happy?” She could only add to my happiness she couldn’t ‘make’ me happy. This was a huge turning point in my life and as I started working on my misery list one item at time I started to change and one day I just had the best day of my life without even realizing it. It was a day where I wasn’t angry or sad or wishing I was dead. It was a day where I laughed and felt something I never felt before – joy! And I wanted more days like that.
Today I can truly say I am happy inside. I am happy with my life even though it is not perfect, and I don’t have everything I would like to have, but I am so grateful for what I do have and for who I am. I am grateful for the lessons life has taught me for without them I would not have discovered what happiness truly is.
So, my hope for all of you is that you find true happiness within yourself. That you discover that the things that are making you unhappy really aren’t things at all, but only you and your perception of things. I hope you can love and respect yourself and honor yourself so you may be happy. And then I hope you find the people and things that will add to your happiness!
Namaste!
Pat Laurino
Intuitive Energy Healer and Psychic Medium
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