This is a continuation to last month's newsletter. Find the first part here in the newsletter archive on our website.
Don’t get me wrong: I love googling new DIY home projects; I’ve found (but rarely used) meal plans and cleaning routines from Pinterest; and yes, I proudly take and post pictures of pumpkins piled on my doorstep in an aesthetically pleasing fashion every fall… but I also think that the endless inspiration and “help” found online leaves me feeling pretty dang inadequate.
Do you ever get that crazy notion, with endless pictures of pristine kitchens, adorable fireplaces, and healthy home cooked dinners, that everyone else but you must have their act together? I know it, it’s ludicrous, especially the more we come together and share our honest stories. But it’s so easy to buy into this idea when we “see it with our own eyes” (even when our brain knows about staged photos).
Now fast forward to me going to someone’s home, let’s say for a party that they obviously had to clean and decorate for, because this is when I feel like I really hop on the crazy train. I have made myself feel small, resentful, and projected a lot of self-judgment onto my hosts, just because I was wishing that I’d gotten around to doing all those things that appear effortless in their home. I will even confess to once looking for evidence of others having some kind of mess in their home, just so I didn’t feel so bad about my own dirty house! Crazy, right?
So, of course, I leave thinking that my house has to be perfect like theirs before I can have anyone over. Which never happens. And feels pretty dang lonely.
Just as we shut people out of our homes and out of our lives when we think our’s isn’t good enough, we also shut people out by judging them after they’ve let us in (even though we’re trying to feel better about ourselves). Ironically, these are the times we need others most.
It’s not bad to have a beautiful, intentional, something-we’re-proud-of home to entertain in. But this idea that, “it’s rude to make others put up with our mess,” isn’t as beneficial as, “I feel comfortable enough with myself and my friends to let my home be like it normally is.” This idea doesn’t just liberate a host, it feels great as a guest! The self-judging is gone, the projecting is gone, and all that’s left is what we were seeking in the first place: time to connect and genuinely be with each other.
And oh, the inspiration we get by seeing another family’s “mess!” This is the word we typically use for anything not in perfect, pristine order (right?), when really it just means something in use and in action. Seeing the “mess” of a play area that showcases which toys kids are actually playing with; seeing the “mess” of a real life kitchen chore system that is getting the job done; seeing a “mess” of an in-progress DIY project that reveals just how much goes into it and can help us determine if it’s worth going for it.
This kind of inspiration is way better than what I find online. It gives me a chance to learn from my friends, to feel pumped up and confident working through my own goals, and it helps me recognize my friend’s hard work - and see more of who my friend truly is. To be let in like that feels better than anything else.
