Before we get started, I want you to know that the A button on my brand new keyboard is not working. If there seems to be more typos than normal, that is why.
Sometimes only a few days go by before my notebook is bursting full of thoughts and ideas I want to share with you, other weeks I draw a blank when Tuesday rolls around. This was one of those weeks, so I asked my instagram followers if they had any questions they wanted me to answer in today's letter. Some of the answers will be sprinkled about the love letter, but one really struck me.
“what have you healed in yourself/your bloodline?”
Fun fact: bloodline means a set of ancestors or line of descent of a person but it also means an animal's set of ancestors or pedigree, typically considered with regard to the desirable characteristics bred into it.
Now, this question can be interpreted many ways…
Within myself, I have begun to heal sexul trauma I experienced in high school that set the low standard at which I thought I should receive love.
I addressed my dependence on substances to dull the feelings of grief surrounding that trauma and others, and no longer rely on anything to take me away from life. I have healed myself physically after years of crashing too hard, with the help of Yin yoga and meditation. I healed my gut by practicing my intuition and only feeding my body foods that nourish it and make me feel good. I healed my depression by running long distances and camping alone. I am in the process of healing my menstrual cycle by tracking my thoughts and feelings along with the days of my cycle. I have spent the majority of the last 6 years healing, so answering that question is easy.
What have I healed in my bloodline? What “desirable characteristics” have I realized are actually toxic and decided to remove from my life?
Being a good girl.
To clarify, I have never been good at being a good girl. I have wanted my belly button pierced since I was 4, I picked out my first tattoo when I was 10, I’ve had a thing for river guides for as long as I can remember, I hate small talk to be polite and I really dislike being told what to do. But I still tried to be good. I was very polite when I found out new hire males were making considerably more than I was after three years of employment. I tried really hard to be polite when male massage clients asked for happy endings. I was polite when turning down persistent dudes again, and again, and again. I was extremely polite when extended family would discuss their preferred political candidate, who openly spoke about sexually assuliting women. I have sat by and listened quietly as others discussed what that girl was wearing, who she was sleeping with or made assumptions about her character based on rumors and their perception. I have felt a lump form in my throat while I listened to a guy refer to his girlfriend as a slut to a room full of people.
Some of the hardest work I have done is unlearning everything I was taught; to be good, polite, quiet, respectful, don’t cause a scene or disruption. Some of my most difficult healing has been forgiving myself for what I did when I didn’t know any better. Some of my biggest challenges have involved speaking up in a crowd, causing a disturbance and telling someone disrespecting me to go ahead and fuck right off.
I hope this encourages you to be whoever you want and not who you were groomed to be, not who you have been told you are, and not who your past actions have told you you are.
Growth Mindset
Slow fashion is sexy!
My favorite thing when I’m traveling is to hunt for treasures at a thrift store. I have found beautiful statement pieces to add to my wardrobe for incredibly cheap, without contributing to fast fashion brands who use unsustainable processes. The best part is finding unique pieces that you wouldn’t find in a mall or tj maxx. When I’m not traveling, I love to shop for thrift finds through @lifemindedstyle on instagram. I’ve mentioned Caitlyn and her business in these letters before, because I absolutely love her style! My favorite thing is her subscription style boxes with 6-8 items custom picked for you based on the styles you add to a pinterest board (so cool!)
Moon Cycle Tracker
Journal prompts during ovulation
- How do I embody a warrior? What do I stand/fight for?
- How am I different from who I was yesterday?
- It requires strength to ask for help. Look back on your goals and intentions; How are they going? What isn’t working? Is there a way to improve, and is there someone you can ask for help? How exactly would they help?
Dating
Sometimes you just need to block them
Your ex is an ex for a reason. Either you fucked up, or they did, or no one did and it was just time to end things. That’s not important, what is important is that it’s over, it’s in the past. Maybe you can't stop looking at your phone and hoping for a notification from them, or maybe when you look down at your phone and see their name you feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. Either way, you could save time and energy if you just blocked them. I know, it’s a bold move, and one that could get you labeled as crazy, emotional, or dramatic, but fuck ‘em. Claim your space. Set your boundaries. Look yourself in the mirror and vow that you will not be bothered by their nonsense today, tomorrow, or hell, maybe the rest of time if you feel like it. You can always unblock them, but you can never get back the five hours you spent hoping after that time they texted you and asked you out to coffee. Unless you’re addicted to the let down, give peace and quiet a try.
The easiest way to learn any headstand or handstand is to start with a tripod stand. First, create a triangle with the top of your head at tip and your hand in the bottom two corners. Your elbows will be bent so you will be able to practice lifting your feet and balancing your knees on the back of your arms (looks like a crow pose but with your head down). Practice balance here first, then lift your knees off your arms one at a time. You can even hover with your knees squeezed together close to your chest, or begin lifting your legs higher. A strong core is the key to a balanced stand. Hope this helps!
Cheers to the journey, I'm so grateful you're along for the ride.
