If the theme of 2021 for me was learning that I was a human being, the theme of 2022 has been learning to live like one. The birth of my third son at the start of 2021 exposed my limits in just about every area imaginable, and I've spent this year learning how to live, and eventually how to thrive, within them.

 

I got an email recently from an older counselor friend of mine who serves as an online instructor for CCEF. We met through church several years ago and she has since moved away, but she remained on my email list (which was dormant until two months ago due to those “limits”). She wrote to say an enthusiastic hello, and then commented on the freebies that come to the inbox of anyone who signs up for my newsletter (The 3-5 Bible Study Method bookmark and a Daily Habit Tracker), saying that they incorporate the two basic ways that she likes to “establish” her counselees: 

"in actually studying the Bible and giving structure to their lives." “What you have given us as ‘hostess gifts,’ she wrote, ‘are essential elements of living a Christlike life.’”

 

The reason these were my gifts to each person who signs up for my email list, is because they've been a lifeline for me. When my brain felt like it “broke," when my attention span felt non-existent, when doing the dishes felt like swimming a mile, when deciding what to feed my family for dinner felt like rocket science, when all that I effortlessly juggled before suddenly fell down like medicine balls, I could no longer love God and live with the mind and capacity I used to have, I had to learn how to love him and live with the mind and capacity I currently had.

 

Can you relate? Do you know that feeling of needing to recalibrate after a change?

 

Maybe you haven't had a major life change lately, but even small things like shorter days, darker evenings with stir-crazy kids, the added to-dos of Christmas shopping, a fuller-than-usual calendar with holiday parties, less time alone and more time with difficult family members… they expose our limits. How do we experience those limits? Brain fog, exhaustion, anxiety, forgetfulness… We're not all-powerful, we aren't all-knowing, and we can't be everywhere at once. When we try to live beyond those limits, thats when overwhelm sets in. The two things we need the most when that happens, are scripture and structure. We need to determine what is necessary, what is possible, and what is meaningful. Both scripture and structure remind us of our humanity. Both scripture and structure equip us to live as human beings: within time and space, dependent on one who, though he is outside of it, is mindful of us.

 

Advent is all about preparing ourselves for the coming of Christ as a baby, nestling ourselves within the story of redemption. And if you're feeling your limits lately, you're in a perfect position to receive him. He came for the needy. The one through whom all things were made and in whom all things hold together became human because you are. He became like you so you could be with him, and become like him.

 

Preparing our hearts to remember his first coming readies our souls for his second. 

 

In taking on flesh, Christ showed us that our humanity is nothing to be ashamed of.

In allowing his flesh to be pierced, he atoned for the sinful shortcomings we should be ashamed of.

And when his dead body came back to life, he made it possible for us to have the hope of living as glorified human beings, not without limits, but without the effects of sin. Gladly dependent on our heavenly Father, as he was in his earthly body.

 

 The exposure of our limits is one of the greatest gifts we can receive to prepare him room.

Don't fight them. Depend. Submit. Rest.

Christ came. Christ is coming.

 

with humble gratitude,

One of the ways I've tamed the endless possibilities and also have sought to fight entitlement in our kids is to give gifts according to a little rhyme. It offers structure, and also helps my kids know what to expect. We give gifts in these categories:

 

This limits gifts to two toys per kid, and maybe one they share.

We help the boys think of others by taking them shopping for one another and asking “what do you think _____ would love?” then we do sibling gifts on Christmas Eve… just to break up some of the present frenzy.

 

When we hear the word discipline, many of our minds immediately go to time-outs or spankings, but the truth is, the word discipline actually means “training.” The underlined phrase above is a tool in the toolbox I like to call “preventative discipline.” I'll use it on the doorstep before we come in for quiet time. I'll use it in the car before we walk into someone's home. I'll use it as we walk into our co-op, or church, or the grocery store. But this introductory phrase, “let's talk about how this is going to go,” provides an opportunity to 

1. clearly communicate expectations. 

ex: "When we walk inside, I will carry Henry straight to his room for a nap. Will, you need to head straight upstairs for quiet time, Walt, you need to head to your room for quiet time."

 

2. It also provides an opportunity to revisit rules/ expectations.

3. Sometimes it can also serve to uphold our kids with the truth when they might be afraid. This is big for us with church childcare and has been at times with “quiet time." 

4. Lastly, it trains our kids to anticipate and guard against temptation.

ex: I may ask, “What do you think you might be tempted to do instead of go to the right place and be quiet once you get there?” or , “When we get inside, you might be tempted to go with your brother because that seems more fun! But let's think that all the way through…Whats one way you can avoid that temptation?” 

 

This might seem like it takes a lot of time and attention. But two or three minutes of anticipation and intentionality can go a long way in helping prevent disobedience from our kids and dysregulation in ourselves. In the same way a coach huddles his team before a game, we're huddling up with our kids to help them develop wisdom and self-control. As my influence decreases, and their temptations grow in strength and consequences, I hope the muscles of discernment, anticipation, and self-control will be strong from years of doing this exercise as a family.

 

Give it a try before walking in to your candle lit Christmas Eve Service, an extended family gathering, or even your time as a family on Christmas morning. Take a moment to pray and ask the Holy Spirit for help. And shoot me an email and let me know how it goes!

 

As many of you know, I used to produce an annual free Advent Devotional for moms that would come right to your email inbox Dec 1-25. This was a lot of work, and just hasn't been possible the last few years. Although I made the decision not to produce an Advent devotional again this year, after getting a lot of requests for this, I decided to make a landing page to access the content from years past. I've made the content from “A Thrill of Hope” available on this page! Feel free to use it and share it with moms for whom you think it may be an encouragement.

 

 But also, you may be excited to know that I have artwork, a theme, and a contributor list for and Advent Devotional for Moms in 2023! Be on the look out for news about that in October of next year.

 

One of the questions that shows up in my inbox most often is “What should I do or not do to love a friend well who has just miscarried?” I recently had the chance to chat with Kendra from the “Friendchip” podcast about exactly that. You can listen to that episode here.

Q: What's your favorite family Christmas tradition? 

A: Growing up, my mom always used the potato water from Christmas dinner to bake Moravian sugar bread. We would pack it up and venture out after Christmas Eve Service to knock on doors and sing carols to members of our community who were hurting, shut in, or just good friends. We sang in 4 part harmony (which is something I don't think my new little family is going to be capable of) and gave everyone a cut of sugar bread. I will always be grateful for those memories. 

 

Q: What is your favorite gift to give or person to give it to?

A: My favorite gift to give is personalize stationary, actually! It's not something people typically get for themselves. But my favorite person to give to is actually my MIL. Makes me giggle to type that actually, but I just get really excited when I find the perfect thing for the woman who seems like she has everything.

 

Q: You mentioned focusing on training your kids in stores instead of trying to look like a good mom. What does that look like?

A: Stores are an opportunity to teach so many life skills, so when we have to go, I try to make sure there is plenty of margin. More is caught than taught. So rather than forcing my kids to say things or do things like they're on display, I try to model kindness for them. I make sure to look people in the eyes and to use their names if they have nametags. I have told the boys that this shows people they have dignity and helps them to feel seen. I use language of gratitude and humility, and when we walk away from someone, we say “have a great day!” We talk about what we're there to do and I try to involve them in my thought processes and decisions by speaking out loud and to them instead of over them. Engaging them may look like having them carry something, push the cart, or help look for something. But as far as training kids, when they misbehave, I think the main thing is remembering that what matters most is not how their behavior makes me look. What matters most is that I treat them with the same dignity and kindness that I am encouraging them to extend to others. Clear communication of expectations helps a lot with that! There's so much more to say here. But this is getting long.

 

Christmas isn't so much about what you do, 

as savoring what God has done for you in Christ.

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!