“The thing you fear the most will hunt you down.” This haunting line was in a recent podcast conversation between Kate Bowler and poet/funeral director Thomas Lynch. Since being on my own from my late 20s, one of my greatest fears has always been a loss of independence or control. (As if being in control hasn’t always been the most ridiculous illusion of all.) Now, a badly broken ankle has brought me to my literal knees in the form of getting around on one leg and a knee scooter for 6 weeks. It's just the latest in a summer of severe set-downs from the universe. Asking for and accepting help has always been torture for me — a friend says it’s because I’m so Midwestern—but with family far away, I’ve had to swallow my pride and learn to receive gracefully, thankfully, prayerfully. Every day now is filled with new math. Just getting to the bathroom requires advanced calculations about which corner of my tiny house is hard to negotiate (all!) or which rooms allow me to make a 3-point turn (none!). Every day is a lesson in humility—the hubris of ever taking for granted the ability to pull up my pants. Every day is learning how to fight the despair of inactivity, loneliness, helplessness--crying helps as do lattes, soup and the Shakespearean villains of Succession. I don’t think everything happens for a reason, but after a lifetime of thinking I’m resilient, self-sufficient and stoic, this infirmity is revealing that I have many more things to learn: patience, gratitude, fragility, brokenness. How to put my pants on while standing on one leg.

A friend introduced me to Les Moulins Mahjoub wild mountain capers packed in sea salt from Tunisia. A few of them elevate cottage cheese (Good Culture only!) along with some chopped red onions and a little celery. Find them locally at Goat Sheep Cow or online at Amazon.

I love these Finn Fishermen sandals from Free People in black patent leather because I’d like to wear them with ankle socks this winter (a look my daughters make fun of, but which I persist in thinking it looks very French-chic and not aging, graying hippie).

During the worst of the pandemic when I wasn’t going anywhere but the grocery pickup lane, I wore Vuori Performance Joggers almost every day. They’re as comfortable as pajamas, but I felt I was at least making an effort to look like I was…making an effort. My new favorite Vuoris, though, are their Mudra pants. They’re a bit slouchy on top, but the tapered ankles keep them from feeling so much like sweatpants. I'll have to wait for my cast to come off before I can get them on--something to look forward to.

I’m on a run of novels set in the England and one of my favorite reads last month was Alias Emma, starring a kick-ass heroine in a British spy thriller. I whipped through it at break-neck speed and hope there will be sequels. If you’re having royalty withdrawal after the pageantry of the Queen's funeral, I highly recommend Red, White & Royal Blue (published a few years ago in case you missed it). The plot revolves around a secret romance between the son of the American President and Britain’s Prince of Wales. Well-written and fun!