Who can’t recall a time when reality did not meet their expectations? Anyone? When the man I thought I would spend my life with left me for a much younger woman (goodness, I swear I'm only 29), I didn’t just mourn his loss, I mourned the loss of the life I had created in my head. I thought of the house our families would help us build and the kids running barefoot in the woods up to grandma’s house. When the other shoe dropped, our relationship looked nothing like my fantasies, and so my grief doubled. Furthermore, I realized that if I searched for the qualities I admired in that one who isn’t interested, in everyone else, I would be setting them (and myself) up for failure. If I expect someone else to have all of their amazing qualities (and none of the negative ones) I am once again creating a false reality in my mind and setting my expectations further than anyone can reach. Is that to say you should have absolutely no expectations in life? No. With any relationship I expect; honesty, to be treated kindly and communication without manipulation. I expect mutual respect. But what about releasing expectations of how things should go?
I am fortunate enough to have practiced under Yogi Wade in the Ohiopyle community center for almost 20 years. For three hours a week, almost every week, I relied on the hot room, filled with friendly bodies that kinda smelled like feet and river gear in a nostalgic way. When covid hit and classes came to a halt, my mind, body and community were devastated. I tried finding a home practice (impossible at first). Once I got the vaccine I attended other classes that were offered, but it wasn’t the same. The room didn’t smell the same, the instructor didn’t cue the same, the mats next to me weren't occupied by people I love. From the start of covid until now, I have only attended a few classes that truly felt like home (all were at Asheville Community Yoga), the rest just annoyed me. Today, I unrolled my yoga mat and opened my computer to one of Yogi Wade's old audio recordings. I closed my eyes and listened as he adjusted and called out regulars like myself, Lisa, Kim, Laura and Jermey. I would have been completely transported back to the room if it wasn’t for the mailman coming to the door, the dog barking, a car alarm going off and a cool breeze drifting through the porch. Then I realized this is the first time I have been able to comfortably squat in months (maybe years?). That 90 minute class still kicked my ass, my body feels high, my mind had a longer moment of rest than I’ve been giving it lately. The journey was nothing like what I used to want, but the end result still felt good.
The patience required with one's own mind and body on the mat reminds us how beneficial the practice is off the mat.
Today, I said this prayer: I release my expectations for the journey and the end. I honor myself by doing good for myself, my planet and my community. I trust that these actions, ones made with a pure heart, will lead me in the correct way.
Growth Mindset
Reclaiming the Wild Woman
Here is something that I haven’t shared in these letters; I have crazy fucking dreams. Sinking into a pit of snakes after a big fight. My teeth falling out the same night I was cheated on. Escaping a horror house after forgiving myself. Meeting God after a womb healing. The list goes on. My most recent impactful dream was that of a tsunami wave washing away my best friend. I woke up and immediately checked in with her. She replied to my text, “I’m drowning.” It was her first day off orientation in the ICU and she dealt with more shit before 9am than I did that entire week.
The bridge between where you don’t want to be and where you don’t know exists is education. I firmly believe this in my core. Don’t like where you are? Learn something. Invest in yourself. Don’t know what you want to learn? Just pick something, start somewhere, change your mind, learn more. Don’t have the money? Start small. It’s 2022, we have google, social media, books, podcasts, youtube videos. The world is your fucking oyster. Anyway, after a year of bobbing around like a stoner yoga chick who doesn’t do anything except lay on warm rocks, I decided to invest in myself and hire a mentor. After an in depth application, one zoom meeting and more follow up questions, my mentor started our second zoom meeting like this, “you have such a shamanic depth to you.” If you’re as unaware as I was, a shaman is someone who uses dreams to heal. We spent the rest of the call diving deeper into a world I had never considered before. While that rolled around in my head for a few days, I began to make slow progress in my latest read, Women Who Run With the Wolves; Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. Wouldn’t you know that chapter two touches on dreams, female intuition and self healing the predator in our unconscious psyche. I really thought that the woowoo in me had reached its limits after a womb healing in California this spring, but here I am, creating a nightly ritual to encourage a dream quest of finding the predator in my mind.
Growth Mindset
Desire Mapping
Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map Experience has been on my audible queue for a while, and I finally started listening. Here’s an idea that I really loved…
First, she points out something that a lot of us struggle with; the mindset that once we _____ (buy a house, move to a new place, get that promotion, start a relationship, etc), we will be happy. Then Danielle suggests an alternative approach; what if we identified our core desired feelings (successful, secure, alive, free, abundant, etc) and made goals based on those feelings. If we follow that, it shifts our goals from acquiring things to feeling complete, and it shifts our action steps from checking off boxes to achieving that desired feeling. I imagine this 6hr audiobook will go by quickly.
Step 1.aCleanse. Just go with me on this one; cleans with oil. I love caster oil (heat it up by soaking the bottle in a bowl of hot water), but avocado, jojoba, or coconut oil works just fine. Rub that shit all over your face to lift the dirty oil out of your pores, then gradually start to massage with water until most of the oil is gone. Gently pat off any excess with a towel.
Step 1.bCleanse with honey. Yup! Get yourself some organic honey (once again, heat up the jar in a bowl of warm water so it’s easier to maneuver) and slather it all over your face. Honey is hydrating, antimicrobial and will suck up any leftover oil. Once again, start massaging with water to remove and pat with a towel.
Step 2. Steam. This can be as simple as boiling water and sticking your face over top with a towel over your head and pot. I usually transfer it to a heat safe bowl. Make sure the steam isn’t SO hot that it burns your face. Try to keep your head under the towel for 10-15 minutes. This will open your pores and let all that good, leftover honey soak in.
Step 3.Exfoliate. Have you heard of this trick? Grab some baking soda and massage your face. You can add a little water if you need more glide but there should be enough sweat from the steam. This gently exfoliates dead skin cells and removes any leftover gunk from your now opened pores. Gently rise and pat dry
Step 4.Full fat face mask. You might have to search well to find full fat, zero sugar added greek yogurt, but this stuff is the best. The full fat does wonders for your skin and the lack of processed sugar will keep you from breaking out. Slather that stuff all over your face in a layer thick enough to soak in, but not so thick it falls off your face and onto your floor. You can keep this mask on for 30 minutes while you take a bath, make dinner, watch a movie, or do whatever. You already know the next step; remove by massaging water onto your face, then pat dry.
Finish with your normal skincare routine or favorite moisturizer.
So now that your skin is fresh and glowing, and your wondering wtf you’re gonna do with a huge container of bitter as fuck yogurt, here’s a yummy/easy breakfast.
A small bowl of yogurt, with a heaping spoonful of honey drizzled on top, then add your favorite trail mix (my go to blend is walnuts, almonds, cranberries and pepitas). It’s delightful.
Steep Moonflower’s CBD sleep tea with a small spoonful of either their CBD or delta 8 honey. Because these tea bags are so big, I like to steep them in a large pitcher and store them in the fridge, this makes enough for a few nights.
One dropper of Moonflower’s sleep tincture under the tongue and wind down by reading a book instead of scrolling.
After turning out the lights and before falling asleep, set an intention. Last night I told myself, “I will ask the right questions and follow where they lead.”
Take slow, deep breaths until you fall asleep. Try not to let your mind wander and tell stories, that’s what dreaming is for. If you find your mind is wandering, interrupt your thoughts and bring your focus back to your breath.
Upon waking up, before jumping out of bed, take a few moments to breathe and try to remember your dreams. Write them down in your daily journal.
If you want to try moonflower’s sleep products, use my code leahmoves10 for 10% off your order.
