It's a vicious cycle, and I've been this way long before I stepped into entrepreneurship. I've always been a ‘people pleaser,' and when I was younger I thought my obsession and ‘need’ to go above and beyond in everything I did + be THE absolute BEST was just 'ambition…' Yikes.
What I would come to find out some 18 years later is my workaholism is a direct result of my childhood trauma (yeah, I'm going there this AM).
The definition of workaholism is described as "a continual pattern of high work investment, long working hours, work beyond expectations, and an emotional attachment to work – often times affecting your health or relationships."
Up until recent years, many people couldn't discern between workaholism and just being “hard working,” or “ambitious.” And the rise of online/remote work has made this work addiction more common than ever.
But I remember the first time I saw work for the addiction it really was, and that happened last year when I was randomly diagnosed with panic disorder. I say randomly because I had never experienced this level of panic in my life, even after all the wild trauma of my childhood.
Last year I ended up in an ER believing I was having a heart attack after days and days of extreme panic (for no good reason). Only for multiple doctors to tell me I was overwhelmed, stressed, and experiencing the common panic. Therapy, beta blockers, and an anti-anxiety medication later… I realized the only common factor was the amount of stress I was putting on myself at work. 😥
I felt the pressures of entrepreneurship and being the bread-winner of my family take over in a new way, and I'm sure so many of you can relate.
So how do I deal with it now? How do I learn to ease out of the addiction that is work, so I can live a happy and fulfilled life?
Here are 3 ways I'm doing just that:
- Setting boundaries and following through–
Without clear boundaries around work, you will find yourself constantly doing the most. Before I set clear boundaries in my own business, I had no distinct lines between business and leisure; I never turned it “off." I would work weekends, late at night, while my kid was breastfeeding (still feel regretful of that), and even on vacations. This year was the first time I finally felt free to leave my laptop at home on vacations… which is sad to admit. 🤭
Setting boundaries has been crucial for me to step away from work and stop allowing it to interfere with my family time and self-care. All of our boundaries will look different, but without boundaries it's 10x easier to fall into habits of constantly working and allowing that pressure to seep into every area of your life.
Set the expectation in your business or career, so your clients/coworkers know what your boundaries are. When you respect your boundaries, others will too.
- Learn how to delegate–
I'm that one kid in school who always asked my teacher during partner assignments if I could just do it on my own because I didn't need a partner to help… in fact I was better on my own (eyerolllll 🙄). As a workaholic, I obsess over my performance and my work which has caused me to often have the mentality of “I can do things better on my own” or “if I hand this off, it won't be done to the same standard I can do it.” And MAN, what a toxic way of thinking.
It took me years in my own business to finally delegate work, so I could not only work less but also focus my attention on my genius in business, learning to leave room for the creative freedom and joy.
Delegating is one of the crucial skills you have to learn as a leader. Doing everything yourself won't get you far – you'll be overworked, burnt out, and stressed AF.
Now, nearly four years into this business, I have a confident system with my assistant and a slew of other independent contractors (like copywriters, CPAs, coaches, etc) who help me run this business. It is lifesaving.
- Find a hobby/passion that isn't monetary–
I think for me one of the reasons I am obsessed with working is the monetary benefit I experience (and I could go deep into my scarcity money mindset or the money issues I've had to overcome from my childhood). In my mind, more output = more money… which isn't always the case but it is a consistent pattern in entrepreneurship as I run a one-man show. My success in my business and the money I make is directly related to the time I put in, so it can be majorly difficult to step away in that mindset.
So to feel that same dopamine rush in a more healthy way in hitting my goals, I've had to find other passion projects and hobbies I can set goals in that don't directly result in money.
For example, my podcast brings in $0 so it has become a way for me to explore new things, set goals, and put in work to something that brings value to my life in a different way than my business. And same goes for working out – I can hit goals without feeling like my self-worth and success is based around how much money I'm making.
It has been so freeing to find these passions and give myself a “work” outlet that isn't truly work but still feels like something I get to joyfully work on, and I encourage you to do the same.
If you're reading this nodding your head in unison and solidarity, welcome to workaholics anonymous. You're not alone in this interesting addiction, but there are ways to navigate it so you can work with joy and life a happy, fulfilled, and (relatively) stress-free life.
