When you were young, you internalized that the only way to receive the love and affirmation you longed for was to be a high-achiever.
You committed to doing well in school (and being an overachiever) because that was one of the few places where you felt a sense of belongingness.
Now that you're older, you're realizing that achievement doesn't fill you up. No matter what accomplishments you hit, there's still this feeling of emptiness. There's still this longing to be seen, held and affirmed for just being you.
If this is you, you are not alone.
For most of my life, I have been the stereoptypical overachiever. I grew up in a household of Black womxn who worked hard and made sacrifices daily to ensure that we had food and shelter. Few people had the emotional capacity to hold space for my feelings, needs and wants as a child.
Because I did not get attention or affirmation for just showing up as my sensitive, extroverted self, I searched for a place where I could receive that attention and affirmation.
For me, it was school.
As a child, I remember racking up scholar roll certificates and feeling such a sense of pride when my teachers would comment on how well I completed an assignment. I realized that I could get the attention and affirmation I deeply desired if I was seen as “smart” and a “hard worker”.
As I got older, I realized that the very things that invoked a deep sense of pride and fulfillment for me as a child were also the things that kept me wrapped up in overworking and over criticizing myself as an adult.
That over-achieving child became an overachieving adult who never felt satisfied by her accomplishments. No matter what she achieved, she still felt like she needed to do more and become better to reach the standard she created in her mind. This made taking care of herself and being kind to herself (things that are often promoted in conversations around self-care) INCREDIBLY HARD.
I have a feeling that you know what I'm talking about.
You understand the feeling of desiring to prioritize your well-being and practicing self-compassion, but hearing a voice inside of you that always says that it's not enough. That you are not enough.
It took me years to identify the tools and strategies to identify the root of this story ("I am not enough") and free myself from its reign. Now, I can confidently say that I know the way out. I developed a framework for supporting Black womxn and change makers in breaking free from these cycles (often internalized from childhood and systemic messaging).
A: Address - I help Black womxn identify the key story that's holding them back from living their most liberated, fulfilled life.
U: Unravel - I help Black womxn get to the root of that key story and find out where that story came from.
R: Release - I hold space for Black womxn to release that story to make room for a new story that aligns with their values, needs and deepest desires.
A: ACT(ivate) - I work collaboratively with Black womxn to design a personalized game plan with clear action steps and practices to support them in not only breaking free, but staying free from their old story and pattern.
This process (which includes elements of coaching, therapy and mindfulness) is completed over four sessions, leaving clients with the clarity and confidence that they need to design a life that truly aligns with who they are and what they desire for themselves.
Sometimes I wish that someone already had the blueprint when I first began this journey of breaking free from generational cycles and old stories. Now I am realizing that it was meant for me to go on this journey so that other Black womxn and change makers could have the blueprint to overcome these deep wounds and stories with ease.
Are you ready to break free? Click the link below.
Before you go, I wanted to share this testimonial from my client that just graduated from the program. Almost made me shed a thug tear.
In the summer of 2022, I turned 30 and as a young mom and business owner, I didn’t know what I wanted out of my career or my life. I needed someone to guide to figure out my path in the similar way I help my clients with reaching their goals. Keonna gave me concrete tools and assignments to help me figure out what my priorities are. I got clarity around things I used to doubt or overthink. I am now able to communicate better with my husband and business partner and I feel more equipped to teach my 2 year old daughter about expressing her emotions and her power and so much more. If you’re not sure if you should make the investment, do it. Trust me you will see a huge return on your investment if you are committed to your journey healing and growing. I will forever me grateful for the clarity and peace of mind that I got from working with Keonna.
- Mayra Martinez (CEO, mom, wife and community leader)