December 13, 2022

Hi First name / friend,

 

I’m writing to you from the airport. Being here always kinda stresses me out (I’m a nervous flyer), and the feeling is amplified because of my destination: the place where I grew up.

 

I hesitate to call it “home,” even though I spent the first twenty four years of my life in Northern California. Even though it’s the place where most of my family still lives. Even though society might call it that, I’m not really going home. I’m leaving it.

 

I don’t always visit my family for Christmas. I’ve spent many holiday seasons alone or with not-my-family, in DC and in Jamaica. This was mostly out of necessity (I couldn’t afford the flight), but it’s time I’ve cherished.

 

In years past, I’ve dreaded this trip. Sure, I love my family (most of the time I like them, too), but waiting for me there is all of the trauma that I’ve processed (and the parts I haven’t). There’s that sinking feeling, that unrooted-ness, that weird suspicion that I’m not really at home, and therefore, can’t quite relax.

 

I haven’t had “my room” since I left at 18. Sometimes it feels impossible that folks will see the fullest version of me instead of the frozen-in-amber version that so many of my family members can’t let go of. Still, I have it pretty good.

On the internet, I encourage people to make home feel like their favorite place to be, to create a refuge for themselves amidst a noisy world. This absolutely stems from that feeling I ran from, from the loud, messy childhood I’m still processing.

 

As in design, my obsession with housing policy comes from my deep-rooted desire for myself and others to have a safe place where they can be themselves (and that they can comfortably afford 😩). It’s my North Star, if you will.

 

If you’re traveling this holiday season, I hope that it’s enjoyable. If it ends up being kinda sucky, that’s okay too. It’s not a reflection on you. In my experience, even those harmonious-seeming families have their own stressful shit going on.

 

 

We’re going to skip article club this month… but in January, we’re doing an exciting combined (!!) article club with Magic at the Margins (MATM), my friend Anela’s (@feedthemalik) subscriber community. In case you’re not familiar, MATM explores food and culture and is just generally a really good time. More details on this to come!

 

I’m carving out time for a business retreat with myself – time to plan, dream, and analyze so that I can show up with energy, excitement, and value for all of you in 2023. Keep an eye on IG Close Friends stories for some behind-the-scenes looks at my process.

I’m helping my dad give his kitchen a refresh while I’m in California! Here’s the mood board, along with a “before” shot.

PS – Going “home” for the holidays makes people feel a lot of things. Scroll up to read about it!