Sanctification, 2021: PDM.

 

I got up at 6:30 for some quiet alone time. I was sitting on the sofa in the dark of winter morning when - no later than 6:53 AM - I heard the scuffles and shouts of a sibling fight. 

6:53 AM.

 

And I felt the rage welling, boiling just beneath the surface. I slammed shut the devotional I was reading and dropped my prayer journal to the floor, storming upstairs to find out what was going on. All I wanted was to start the day well for once this year, I seethed. Just once.

 

That was just the beginning. For the next five hours nothing went “right”. I loaded a few dishes, read a book aloud, tossed in some laundry - the simple things. But the bigger things that desperately needed to be done were drowned in exhausting, minute-by-minute discipleship. This is where most books and blog posts and Facebook shareable graphics will tell me: “Those things won't matter because the more important thing is yOuR ChilDrEn'S HeArTs!" But I don't think I'm alone when I say: some things DO have to get done for the good of the home, family, and to pay for the food on the table. (Including things like this newsletter!)

 

In that moment discipleship felt pointless. No one was listening. If one child wasn't upset, another was. As soon as I dealt with one heart I was met by another. My willpower was quickly depleting and I was begging God for the very self-control I was teaching to my kids.

 

In that moment, Jesus' “yoke” - His teaching - didn't feel easy. It felt crushingly hard. How can I teach them honor, respect, and self control when I feel like I'm about to lose it myself?

 

For the last year I've been paying attention to the parenting narratives being taught to my generation. I've noticed a lot of Christian women utilizing secular parenting resources, which I found a bit odd (parenting is discipleship; it follows that your primary source for parenting guidance, as a Christian, should be fellow Christians). But I withheld judgment to explore the resources for myself. What I found alarmed me. Many Christian parents are utilizing secular tips and tricks and even scripts for parenting their kids - scripts that at times include unbiblical theology/ideology, but in most cases, simply cut God out of the parenting process completely.

 

In other words: many millennial Christian parents are raising kids in functional atheism.

 

Functional atheism is a term used to describe a worldview that is Christian, or deist, but spends so little time talking about faith or living it out that the “believer” is atheist in action. It's as if God doesn't exist, because he plays no significant role in daily life, conversation, management of emotions, and more.

 

Christian kids deserve better. They deserve the whole truth, and not just the whole truth spoken - the whole truth lived.

 

Let's go back to that heavy yoke. On the days when the call to self control and respect and honor feels heavy, I have to stop and ask: Why? Why do I feel like Jesus' teaching, the fruit of the Spirit, are too much for me to bear? And the answer comes to me in flashing lights: Because no one can bear the fruit of the Spirit except the Spirit.

 

That's right. When I'm trying to rely on my own inherent “goodness” (my willpower, my technique) I am as effective as I am well-slept, well-fed, energized, and fully caffeinated. When these natural resources run out, I am left with nothing except the 

 

When I am about to lose it? That is when He wins. "His grace is sufficient for me... for His power is made perfect in weakness." (1 Cor. 12) When I cast myself on His strength in front of my kids, they learn how powerful God really is, how real His presence, and how true His care. When I have to live by faith? Then I can teach faith to my tiny disciples. 

 

Here me when I say: all creation speaks God's glory and even secular sources can help us. God designed our bodies to need food, and margin, and rest; He designed us to operate with wisdom. But all these things are meant to be taken through lens of God Himself - not separate from Him. Christians have access to the greatest power this world has ever known. That power, God says, is specifically designed to make up for our weakest moments. 

 

When the yoke feels heavy, it's not the yoke that's weighing on me. It's my own striving. My reliance on myself. My human tendency to run to scripts and people and the quick, implement-able advice instead of showing my kids in real time how to run to the arms of God. It's me, being a functional atheist. But I could be a model of dependency. There's a whole lot of talk among millennial parents about “modeling”: be a role model of fitness. Be a role model of perfect gentleness. Be a role model of impeccable self mastery.

 

And that's the fatal flaw of the secular system. It's all based on works. It's all based on a self control without the Spirit who gives self control. It's all based on… you. You with no God, or no God who is worth His mettle. 

 

But our God IS worth His mettle. We have an advantage, but He's an advantage many believers never even take advantage of.  In those moments of anger or overwhelm or overstimulation I can actively cast myself on the strength of God and invite His power to equip me. And my kids can watch me do it because it's not based on me. It never was. 

 

So yes, let's be role models. But let's be role models who model supernatural strength when the natural runs out. Let's be role models who pray aloud for the things they need. Let's be role models who are seen poring over Scripture just as much as they are seen working out. Let's be role models who show our kids the power of a life fueled by the Spirit of God. Let us be so, so careful of the voices we consume and the worldviews we swallow - remembering that wisdom always starts with the fear of the Lord (Prov. 9:10). Fear of the Lord is a deep awe and reverence for Him, an assurance of His affection. That kind of deep assurance and awe only comes when your primary source of identity comes from Him. And that only happens over time spent in His presence.

 

Take the time, friends. Take off the heavy yoke and take His easy one. The secular way is failing you - reducing you to willpower, anxiety, and crippling fear that you're ruining your kids. His way is the way of life abundant, joy, and peace. Which sounds better to you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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