Have you ever had someone that you resented for no good reason other than you are jealous or envious of them, jealous of their success or the life they seem to live? I have and there are some businesses similar to mine that every once in awhile tweaks my insecurities and I find myself resenting the business and owner for no good reason other than due to my fears and insecurities I end up feeling inferior or worried that my work is inferior like I am not enough or that I am not doing enough.
According to psychologist Alfred Adler, jealousy stems from our inferiority complex. Everyone has an inferiority complex. If you think someone doesn't have one, you don't know him or her well enough. Feelings of inferiority are embedded deep in our psyche.
So, how do we stop resenting other people’s success? Here are some tips from psychologist Noosha Anzab:
TAKE A PATH OF ACCEPTANCE
As humans we are inherently competitive and we like to show off, so it’s easy to feel jealousof another person. Rather than pretending it’s not happening, take a moment to recognise your feelings and accept that you’re feeling jealous. Just because you’re having these emotions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person – it means you’re human! We will all feel jealous at some point in our lives and it’s okay to recognise and accept when it happens.
CONSIDER WHY YOU MIGHT BE FEELING JEALOUS
Oftentimes jealousy stems back to some of our own issues with feeling inadequate, inferior, or insecure. As humans naturally make comparisons to others and it can bring out our own feelings of mediocrity or some resentment towards another person. Ask yourself what about this other business is that’s making yourself feel jealous, then see if it could be linked back to the way you feel about yourself.
SHOW SOME LOVE TO YOURSELF
It is natural to feel jealous every now and then, but if you catch yourself doing it incessantly then try to focus on what you find good in yourself. It is paramount that we start from the inside – out. The relationship with ourselves helps us model the relationship we have with others. It aids us in knowing what we want to accept, expect and deserve. Security in who you are and what you offer can aid in building healthy foundations for all your relationships as it can help prevent jealousy and doubt. Building confidence in yourself helps you be assertive in what you want and need out of a relationship and to be able to stand up for what you believe in. Spend time internally praising yourself or seek out reassurance from others.
SHOW SOME LOVE TO THEM
It is possible to feel an array of emotions at once, so if you find yourself feeling jealous, try to add in some other emotions. Think about the things that this other business has that you’re envious of and try to show some love. Take some time to acknowledge the other person and commend them for what they have done. This might mean you have to swallow some of your ego but commending them will enhance the relationship and maybe even make you feel better about yourself or your own business.
ASK FOR AN OUTSIDER’S PERSPECTIVE
Some emotions like feeling jealous can often cloud our rational thinking or judgement. Sometimes our jealous feelings can be irrational, especially if linked to our own self esteem issues. Consider talking to family or friends outside of that social circle about how you’re feeling and why you might be feeling jealous. Seeking a rational outside perspective on the situation can help make you see a little more clearly.
DON’T ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS
It is normal to have jealous thoughts sometimes, but it is when people act on them that it can cause a wide range of negative behaviours and consequences which can hurt and upset other people. Recognise that these thoughts are not reality and that you don’t need to obey these feelings. Whilst we can do things to stop feeling jealous, it can be a natural reaction, but we just need to ensure that we don’t let the temporary emotion take over our behaviours. This could lead to doing something or acting in a way that we may cause harm to someone else or later regret.
CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE
As mentioned earlier, you can accept that you have feelings of jealousy, but you do not have to act on them. Remember that jealous feelings are different from jealous behaviors so whilst you might not be able to completely control your feelings, you can control how you respond to them. Studies have shown that envy and physical pain use the same area of the brain, so it can physically hurt to feel jealous! Recognize when it’s happening and adopt some tactics to turn your thought processes around.
BE ENVIOUS, NOT JEALOUS
Jealousy and envy are both emotions of comparison however there is a difference between the two. Whilst both emotions are completely normal, being envious could be considered the lesser of the two evils. Envy is typically a reaction to lacking something however it doesn’t necessarily mean that you would wish a person ill will. Envy usually refers to wanting something your friend’s new pal has and this is not unusual amongst friendship groups. Envy can actually be beneficial because it can be used to motivate and drive a person to want to succeed and do better. Jealousy or resentment on the other hand can have a negative impact on relationships and could also lead to harmful and destructive behaviors.
The one thing that works for me is telling myself “You know they deserve success and I wish them all the success and well-being I would wish for myself.” Doing this helps remove the energy of envy, jealousy, resentment, and even anger from me. It changes the vibration and my mindset. It also reminds me there is enough ‘success’ energy in the Universe for everyone and I don’t need to be fearful or insecure.
So, whether you are jealous of someone for personal reasons such as house, money, family, lifestyle or jealous of professional success remember your own successes, remember the gifts you have and when it comes to the person you feel a resentment towards send them and their business the intention for all the success and well-being you would want for yourself.
After all even businesses that are similar are never the exact same for each business owner brings a uniqueness to their businesses, you just need to believe in yourself and your business! So, next time the jealousy bug bites, take a deep breath, and wish the person and business much success.
May you all celebrate your own success in this new year!
Intuitive Energy Healer/Psychic and Spiritual Medium