The other week, I called my friend Lauren to check in while I was waiting for my puppy at the vet.  Lauren and I have been long-distance BFFs since she broke my heart and moved away from the Michigan suburb where we grew up at the end of 11th grade. How we have kept so close for so long is a {really good] story for another day!

 

Lauren had recently moved from southern to northern California a year ago and was talking to me about how hard it has been for her to meet new, quality friends there. 

 

She wanted not just friends to go to coffee with, but REAL friends who she can do carpool, Sunday brunches, and even vacation with. While she had successfully made one friend like that, that same friend announced she was moving away. The other relationships she tried to forge felt... well, good enough for a coffee but not for a weekend girls trip to Miami. 

 

Separately, around the same time last week, a client who had recently moved to the suburbs of Chicago started talking to be about the struggle to make friends. While she has found plenty of people to go to dinner and/or yoga with, she also discovered some of these coffee-friends started hanging out WITHOUT her. (Ouch!) "What if the people who I like don't like me back?", she asked.

 

I responded: "What would happen if you could live with the idea some people don't like you?" – and immediately heard a gasp from the other end. "I mean, you don't like everyone, you do?" I continued. 

 

For many extroverts and social creatures (me included), it's hard to accept the fact we're not everyone's cup of tea… and that not everyone is for us. But if we all were, we'd be pretty vanilla, right?

 

Sure, it can sting to see a birthday party on social media that you weren’t invited to, or a group trip where your invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail… But the trick is in remembering people make their decisions about them, and not about you. In the same way, you should be making decisions about you and not others too!

 

And the good news? There are plenty of friends in the sea!

 

 

1. Stop giving your energy to people who aren't interested in you. (This includes your thoughts!) Focus on those who you find interesting and are receptive of you. 

 

And 1a. Don't forget you can always unfollow or mute accounts on social media that don't make you feel great.  

 

2. Expand your reach. Ask a friend if you can join her book club, or create a meet up for the moms at school.

 

3. Keep going: Sometimes making friends as an adult is like dating. If one doesn't work out, maybe the next one will.

 

4. Don't take it personally. Everyone is thinking more about themselves than they are thinking about you, truly.  

 

All in all, if you make your own life good, I can assure you the right people – the exact type of friends you wish you have – will fall into it.

 

Does this resonate with you?  Hit reply and tell me a friendship story with a happy (or even terrible) ending. Seriously, I love hearing back from you.

PS: Finally took that trip to the sunshine state and feel refreshed. Hope you’re doing something for YOU this week, too.  

 

PPS: Having a hard time finding like-minded friends? My group coaching program just ended and had so many warm fuzzies wrapping it up. I invite you to join the next one – click here to make sure you’re at the top of the list.