As I sit down to write this month’s newsletter, I reflect on what it really means to love our children. How enveloping and tricky and hard it can be to navigate that love. There is no other love like it and no other love that requires so much out of us. We do things for our children that we would not dream of doing for anyone else. We struggle and we doubt ourselves more in this relationship than we do any other. We wonder if we are doing it right, if the decision we just made will ruin them forever. We guilt ourselves into making choices that do not really resonate with who we want to be as parents. We give up who we are to take care of them.
But then there is the flip side. We get to witness someone turn into a human being, full of emotions and thoughts and plans all their own. We get to help shape their view of the world and how they want to change it. They change us with just their existence. Children are a powerful thing that can add meaning to our world and can add depth to all of our relationships, most especially the one with ourselves. They show us a love that is unmatched and pure. They allow us to see the world in a different light and if we let them, ourselves in a different light as well.
Children have the capacity to be our biggest teachers and mentors, if we let them. If we let go of the need to have control over every moment and step back to see what they are experiencing and how, we may just learn something. In our moments of doubt as parents, we need only step back and pause. Really take in your child for all of who they are. Maybe they are struggling in some part of their life - school, socially, listening, their relationship with you even, but that doesn’t cancel out all of the other goodness you have helped them achieve in their life. That doesn’t cancel out the goodness in you as a parent and as a person.
Don’t get me wrong, I know it can be frustrating and personal when our kids don’t do things as planned or expected. The many levels of emotions that surface when your child keeps getting notes home about behavior or that surface when you realize they may not be fitting in as you had hoped, can be thick. I challenge you to unpack those feelings and figure out where they are coming from. Chances are if you take the time to do this, you will see it is rooted in something else entirely, which probably has nothing to do with the current situation. Yes, you will have some emotion about it, but that emotion is not about you being a “bad parent” or your kid being a “bad kid.” You probably are empathetic to their situation and want to help. Your inner good parent is there, under all that emotion. You just need to dig through all that doubt to set that version of you free.
We know you can do it, but we want you to know that it is a never ending process that requires you to give yourself grace as well. We know you can do it and we have tools to help you do it if you need some guidance along the way.
Hugs,
Felicia
