Asking for help is something that makes me incredible uncomfortable. I didn’t realize it but I think there was a little bit of pride in being the person that could carry and hold it all. A smooth life- as Mandy Len Catron would say.

 

And so, at the start of this month, it felt terrifying to face the uncertainty of what will undoubtedly be a very un-smooth month or two of packing and moving (twice), managing & paying for a renovation, trying to plan for a year of gardening, supporting a very stressed spouse, and running one business while trying to grow another in the crumbs of time I have left.

 

The people who, historically, I have allowed to help me were all out of commission: My parents (away on a month long, well deserved holiday), my sister (packing and moving a family of four while finishing her own renovation), and my partner (in the thick of it with me while balancing an impossible workload and travel schedule).

 

I feel fortunate that past me was smart enough to schedule a therapy appointment at the beginning of the month and after my waterfall of worries tumbled out, I asked my therapist what I can do to make it all a little easier. Her response has stayed with me throughout the month and it was: “Balls will drop. They just will. And that’s OK. You are going to have to extravagantly ask for help.”

 

 

Balls have definitely dropped. I’ve pushed seed-starting to the bottom of my list, I’ve forgotten important dates within friendships— a friend’s first day at her new job or another friend’s flight schedule, forgot to order flowers or gifts for birthdays— small things that I know are fine to forget— but not something I typically allow myself to forget. As the proverbial balls fall from my juggling hands, I’ve learned to let the disappointment roll past me. There just isn’t capacity to hold it all right now.

 

When I pushed her on the “asking for help” part, she turned the question back to me (love how therapists do that) and asked me how I felt when I was asked, by a friend, for assistance.

 

Well, duh. 🤦🏻‍♀️

 

My answer: If I’m able (energetically, physically, etc.)- it’s always an enthusiastic yes. Tag me in coach! I actually get really excited when I am able to help the people I love and if I say yes to something, it never, ever, feels like an annoyance.

 

And I mean, cognitively- I get it. It makes a lot of sense.

 

 

It’s like when you’re at the party and you don’t know what to do so you offer to help the host because doing so gives you a sense of purpose. A feeling of contribution to the dinner party— and if we extrapolate the metaphor— to the greater web of community and relationships.

 

So yes, I get it! I really do! It makes sense! 
However, in application- very difficult. I just didn’t feel like I deserved help. 
I’m an able-bodied person, in a relationship, with no kids (at least not right now). I should be able to do it all.

 

 

I wanted to share this long ramble just in case any of you, too, are feeling a little overwhelmed right now. 
 

Maybe some part of it will resonate with you— whether it’s allowing balls to drop 

or extravagantly asking for help— maybe this is the sign you needed. I know it isn’t “art” related but these delight newsletters are meant to be a little more than that anyway- a moment of connection if you will.

 

As for me- I eventually got over the pride/ mental block/ whatever it was and, very gratefully, was able to move most of my apartment with the help of friends. Because as my therapist reminded me— friendships aren’t just for wine nights and catch up dinners. What good is community if you can’t reach out when you’re truly in need?

 

 

*All sketches above are of the view from the apartment. A final goodbye 🥺

 

 

 

I've been spending Thursdays with my sister and her family for the last six years (initially babysitting, but now that the kids are older it's more quality time and general hang outs) and I've always thought the interactions with the nieces (and between them) to be hilarious. 

 

After a graphic novel/ sequential storytelling workshop last week, I wanted to practice what I learned while using the comic medium as a way to remember some of those weird, random, chaotic moments. I'm sure anyone with kids in their lives can relate:

Can you tell I'm eagerly awaiting Spring? 🌸 

 ❣️

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