My dad's mom died a few weeks ago. The grief has been heavy. This month, I just wanted to share with you my words from her funeral. It was an honor to reflect on and share about this woman I love so deeply and by whose love I was shaped so significantly. I hope hearing about her life will inspire you the same way that reflecting on her life has inspired me.

 

 

My girl cousins and I feel immeasurably blessed to have had Grammy as a grandmother- a rare treasure. Her impact on our lives was profound, because her investment in our lives was so intentional and consistent. As we talked about who she was and the impact she had on us, 5 things really stood out.

 

 

When some of us began to have children, Grammy counseled us to remain interesting. Grammy was one of the most interesting people I have ever met. She loved learning. She was a crossword puzzle master, a trivia buff, a world traveler, a home jeopardy champion, and an avid reader. She knew so much. But she was never pretentious. She was a life learner. She was always curious about what we were reading and learning. Grammy was also an artist. She loved to paint. She and Erin spent a lot of time doing that together. She had vibrant and committed friendships. She had a sharp mind. She loved thoughtful games and always had a new one to try. And she was committed to having fun. She also had a vibrant faith and was a student of the bible. She was holy. But she was never holier than thou. It was her, after all, who took us moonlight skinny dipping for the first time in the lake. She was so comfortable in her own skin. Grammy set such an example of being a whole person, being comfortable with who she was and always learning and growing and living life to the fullest. Beyond her example we always felt her investment in our full personhood…. Spiritual, academic, athletic, artistic, and beyond. 

 

 

Each of us moved around a bit growing up, but Grammy’s cabin in Bay Tree Lakes was home. She made sure of it. A picture of each of us was always on her fridge, and eventually a picture of each of our children. That kitchen produced our favorites: Lemon Torte, Thumb cookies, Butter Horns, French Toast, Sausage English Muffins, she was a wonderful cook,. She was never huffing and puffing about being in the kitchen. She was overjoyed we were there and was happy to serve. But Grammy also demonstrated comfort with her humanity and the need for rest. She didn’t feel like she couldn’t nap because we were there, she always faithfully took her afternoon “happy nappy”. Grammy was never bothered by our mess or our noise when our very large family gathered in her otherwise generally quiet home, she genuinely LOVED that we were there to make messes and noise,Her hospitality extended beyond our family. Grammy opened her home to groups of our friends over the years too. But her hospitality wasn’t just opening her home. Her very demeanor was hospitable. 

 

Even through boy crazy years and trivial middle school musings, Grammy was genuinely interested in us and always filled with vested interest. Her body was also sort of a home. Each of us recalled her scent, her embrace… oh what a gift to get a morning hug from grammy dressed in one of her mumus. We also each recalled her voice. “Hey Darlin” “Hey sweet Abbey.” “This is your grandmother calling.” “I love love love you.” She embodied home. It is incredibly difficult for me to think about walking into her home and her not being there. To think I will never sit around that card table with her or hug her in the kitchen while the coffee brews or sit beside her on the screened porch reading our bibles, I ache with longing.  but Rachel pointed out how she not only created space that enabled us to thrive as individuals, but also to become friends. She loved that. We will miss her sorely, but in a way, she’s given us each other.
 

 

This was miraculous, honestly. As her granddaughters, we received a gift a lot of people never get to experience. Unconditional love.

 

Katie noted that it was amazing how present she was in ALL of our lives! She took each of us to meet our siblings in the hospital. She drove long distances for high school graduations, plays, and sporting events. But she LOVED supporting us, even when Rachel and I were writing terrible songs as four-year-olds.

 

Erin noted how that love made her feel courageous to try new things and less afraid to fail.

 

Jami commented: I’m not sure how she did it, but somehow she always made everyone feel like she wanted them around but without specific expectations of how we would be or how we would spend our time.

 

Calli said “I will never forget how she would exclaim when i would show her a new outfit or new haircut as she clasped her hands together and exclaimed, “Oh Calli! That is just wonderful!”

 

There’s a real loss for each of us in losing a person who loved us this way. I have felt it acutely. I feel it for my children as they have asked to facetime her this week. But being loved that way has a lifelong impact not only on the way you enter the world, but the way you take interest in and treat others. I pray my children will know even a fraction of her delight and unconditional love from me.       

 

 

Jami said this week that she was honestly feeling a little exposed without Grammy here. “When i think of her i really do imagine her standing watch over us and extinguishing the flaming arrows of the enemy with her righteous prayers.” As Others have mentioned, Grammy was a faithful prayer warrior. She was also a student of God’s word. She truly abided in him. A real friend of Jesus.

 

Katie noted: “The impact she had on my family is huge. It was coming to our family events and specifically Grammy that stirred Cory’s heart to long for a relationship with Jesus. Without her faith, willing to answer his questions, praying for him, he wouldn’t be in the position to serve with FCA like he is.”

This week I taught Colossians 3:12-17 at women’s bible study and focused on the way that Gospel Gratitude impacts our lives. I showed the ladies a video of Grammy that Jami clandestinely recorded at our girls weekend a few years ago. 

 

“You know of all the women I know, I am the most blessed,” Grammy said, shaking her head reflectively, “ God has been so good to me. So so good.” “When i think of all of the wonderful things that have transpired in my life… I mean, I’ve had it all!” at this point she is wringing her hands and slapping the chair as she proclaims, “There is nothing I lack.” As she spoke that day i thought of Psalm 145. “Those who hope in the Lord lack no good thing.” Grammy has been a widow for all but four years of my life. And she was FILLED TO THE BRIM with gratitude and joy. She woke up every day and satisfied herself in Jesus. And when she was bumped by life or other people, that’s what spilled out: Jesus. She lived her life in pursuit of him, and as much as I hate to live in a world without her, I am just so tickled at the thought of her soul in glory.  We have such a gift in her love and example. It’s one we can follow all the way to glory. I cannot wait to see her again.

 

You know once, when I was leaving grammy’s house, I sobbed as I hugged her goodbye. I was pregnant with my second son and just really homesick. I told her through tears that there was just never enough time. She held my face and told me I had a choice, I could focus on the sorrow of not enough time, or I could choose gratitude for all the time that we had had. I’m choosing gratitude today. Because my goodness do we have a lot to be thankful for. And we’ll get more time soon and very soon… all of eternity.

 

with humble gratitude,

 

Did you know that I have a children's book series releasing this fall?! I am so excited to share more about them soon! I'll be showing you the covers and sharing all about them in my next newsletter, but for now, I wanted to show you the beautiful cast of characters. Are they not precious?! I LOVE them and cannot wait for you to see them in action!

My pal Caroline just released the second book in her new children's series! It's called The Story of Home, and it beautifully traces the theme of home throughout scripture, telling the gospel story and inviting your kids into it. The illustrations are beautiful and I cannot commend it to you enough. I think it would make a great adoption gift!

 

This is one of my most recent scripts for dealing with the situation of my kids continuing to play and laugh when someone was crying or upset. I want to train them to be sensitive to tears and to hear the cries of other people and respond. They don't have to give in to the demands of their brothers, but I am using this phrase to require them to stop and to be attuned to the needs of others and the impact of their own behaviors. For example, if Will picked the red cup and Walter cries out, “Will, I wanted that one!”, but Will ignores him and runs with the red cup to get water, he's ignoring his brother's pain. Now, I'm not going to require Will to forfeit the red cup for the sake of his brother's happiness, but I am going to say, “Will, we don't ignore the pain of others. Please look at your brother's face and acknowledge him.” I'll then facilitate an interaction where they engage with each other's wants. I have asked them to respond to this prompt by turning to the person who is upset and saying, “I can see that you're upset. Can you tell me what's the matter?” Walter may not end up with the red cup, but he will not be unheard or unseen.

A less innocent example might be seeing a friend feel left out but continuing to play without acknowledging him. Or running and laughing with a toy that a brother is crying about. They do not have to meet the demands of their sad brother, but I am using this phrase to ask them to engage with and see one another. I hope this phrase will echo in their ears as they enter adulthood, growing within them compassionate hearts that move towards others even when it's uncomfortable. 

 

One important note: more is caught than taught. My responses to their pain, however trivial I may deem it, dictates their responses to one another—no matter what I am teaching them with my mouth.

 

 

Our marriage therapist recently introduced me to Gottman Card Decks app. Now, there are some decks on there that I haven't investigated. So don't come at me if you gawk a bit at the spicy decks. But, the “Date Questions” deck is a great resource for enjoying one another if you're in a conversational rut or cycling back to the same heavy topics. I've also been really blessed by the “Great Listening," “Expressing Empathy,” and the “Give Appreciation” decks. I imagine the “Rituals of Connection” cards would be helpful if you are in a season of not really knowing how you can count on your spouse but wanting to be able to. David and I recently talked through the “Waking in the Morning” topic from that deck and it's been so valuable. The app is free. Give it a download and take a look at the decks and the “How to Use this Deck” info.

 

If you tuned into my “Day in the Life” this past Friday, then you saw us rehearsing our "Old Testament Sound Off." We acquired this from my sister, who is a classical educator. Since our co-op memory work is done for the year, we are committing the books of the OT and super simple table of contents to memory using this chant and motions. So far, this has been super fun and my boys are enjoying! My plan is to review it each spring when co-op wraps up. What a gift for them to have this in their brains!

 

I'm linking them here:

I am the worst at remembering to label my kids water bottles, but these little bands are saving the day for us lately! And the kids always know which one is theirs for the day which is a bonus!

My friends over at Risen Motherhood are currently doing a much needed series on types of grief we experience as moms. I was really grateful they included the topic of miscarriage and honored that they asked me to cover it with them. You can listen to our conversation here. 

 

My friends at The Good Book Company are running a special alongside the release of this episode. If you've been wanting to grab a copy to keep on your shelf ready to hand a grieving friend, you can currently get Held: 31 Biblical Reflections for God's Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage for only $15 by clicking the title.

 

RM has also partnered with Every Moment Holy to provide a free download of a collection of liturgies for grieving moms. I'd encourage you to check it out or share with with a grieving mom in your world. 

My friend Holly has a phrase that protects her from shame when her kids blow it in front of others. She'll respond to the looks or comments of onlookers with the phrase, “That's not something we're working on right now.” Holly has four kids, the oldest of whom is in high school. She picks three things at a time to REALLY work on with each of her kids. They might grasp these things quickly or take longer, but once they seem to have mastered something, she'll replace it with something else. But she spares herself and her kids from exhaustion by letting go of some non-moral issues for the sake of consistency in other things that matter more. 

What would you pick if you chose 3 things to really pray about and work on with each kid?

Do you have raw spots, points of frustration, or things that bother you that you wish didn't?! Next time you think, “Ugh! I just wish I was unaffected!” shift your goal to something you can control: “When I am affected, I will choose to focus on the truth.”

 

Instead of trying to rid yourself of your emotions, send them heavenward 

and ask the Holy Spirit for help.

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!